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Many teenagers now have their own smart phone. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v.1

Many teenagers now have their own smart phone. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v. 1
Technological advancements of owning the smart phones have penetrated into our society, not only in the elderly people, but it has also attracted the adolescents. While, this trend motivates children to be attentive to study, I would argue that it refrains them from outdoor activities. The Predominant advantage for young minds is considered as the smart phone applications help them in developing their creativity. In other words, today we have a wide range of applications dedicated to learning, which demonstrates and explains academic topics in the audio visual presentations, which enhances learning experience and motivate them to study. For Example, A Research conducted at The Stanford university found that, the human being can remember images and videos 70 times more effectively than textual content. However, Many times children start misusing this privilege of smart phones and start playing games instead of using it for educational purposes. The Primary drawback of this is, it diminishes the physical activity from growing individuals schedule and posing serious physical and mental risks for them. That is to say, When these children involve themselves too much in such gadgets, it refrains them from playing outdoor games and as a consequence, they are left out in learning the skills gained by playing outdoor sports like team management, co-ordination, performing under stress. For instance, A survey conducted for the students of the Delhi public school outlined that, those students, who was involved in physical sports performed better at stress management and co-working. As a result, today we are observing among the growing generation that who do not play outdoor sports, they are not interested in socializing. To conclude, Although providing young pupils with smart phones helps to encourage them towards studies, it raises bigger concerns of leading them to sedentary lifestyle which is not all a good idea.
Technological advancements of owning the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
have penetrated into our society, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
also
attracted the adolescents. While, this trend motivates children to be attentive to study, I would argue that it refrains them from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities.

The Predominant advantage for young minds
is considered
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
applications
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in developing their creativity.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we have a wide range of applications dedicated to learning, which demonstrates and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
academic topics in the audio visual presentations, which enhances learning experience and motivate them to study.
For Example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "Research".
A Research
conducted at The
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Stanford university
found that, the human being can remember images and videos 70 times more
effectively
than textual content.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
times children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
misusing this privilege of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing games
instead
of using it for educational purposes.

The Primary drawback of this is, it diminishes the physical activity from growing individuals schedule and posing serious physical and mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
for them.
That is
to say, When these children involve themselves too much in such gadgets, it refrains them from playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
games and as a consequence, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
out in learning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
gained by playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
sports like team management, co-ordination, performing under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For instance
, A survey conducted for the students of the Delhi public school outlined that, those students, who
was involved
in physical sports performed better at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
management and co-working.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we are observing among the growing generation that who do not play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
sports, they are not interested in socializing.

To conclude
, Although providing young pupils with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to encourage them towards studies, it raises bigger concerns of leading them to sedentary lifestyle which is not all a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many teenagers now have their own smart phone. what are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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