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Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement? 22 minutes passed, 10; 39 v.18

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. 22 minutes passed, 10; 39 v. 18
Investment from authority is considered as an essential marker for any kind of development in a country, but whether the fund should be allocated in cultural branch or service sector, is a matter of discussion. I believe that investing money on both sides is essential. To begin, allocating sanction on arts brings some benefits. First, it aids to develop culturally-minded people. As a result, they stand their nation in any cultural exhibition and participate in different competitions so that the country becomes focused to other nations that helps to bring more development aids. Second, government sanction fosters moral character of the public because they are free from any kind of complexity. For example, arts sector usually teaches regarding music and theatre that talk about the heart, it does not discuss about profit, loss, money. Thus, allocation fund on culture is advantageous. However, on the other side, investing money on public services have enormous advantages. First of all, it develops physically strong nation by curing any type of diseases. For instance, local authority should distribute more fund in different hospitals and primary health centres so that patients could get proper treatment on expending little charge. Therefor, people become cure from any kind of diseases. In addition, the authority, aided the fund on education helps to become literate. Say for, if the government will allocate a significant amount of aid to higher education, the students become more interest for higher study. Hence, they will spend much time on education. So investing aid on the service is benefited. To conclude, anyone could raise a voice on government funding, whether it will be allocated for culture or service sector, but I think government aid should be on both sides equal.
Investment from authority
is considered
as an essential marker for any kind of development in a country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
should
be allocated
in cultural branch or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
sector, is a matter of discussion. I believe that investing money on both sides is essential.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, allocating sanction on arts brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
First
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
to develop
culturally
-minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
, they stand their nation in any cultural exhibition and participate in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
competitions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
focused to other nations that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to bring more development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
sanction fosters moral character of the public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are free from any kind of complexity.
For example
, arts sector
usually
teaches regarding music and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
that talk about the heart, it does not
Did you mean simply "discuss profit"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about profit
, loss, money.
Thus
, allocation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
on culture is advantageous.

However
, on the other side, investing money on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
have enormous advantages.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it develops
physically
strong nation by curing any type of diseases.
For instance
, local authority should distribute more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
hospitals and primary health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that patients could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper treatment on expending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
charge. Therefor,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
The usual collocation for "cure" is "of" not "". Did you mean "cure of"?
cure from
any kind of diseases.
In addition
, the authority, aided the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fund
on education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
literate. Say for, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
will allocate a significant amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to higher education, the students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more interest for higher study.
Hence
, they will spend much time on education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
investing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is benefited
.

To conclude
, anyone could raise a voice on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
funding, whether it will
be allocated
for culture or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
sector,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
should be on both sides equal.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. 22 minutes passed, 10; 39 v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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