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It is shown that many criminals have a low level of education, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate them in prison so that they can find a job after they leave prison. To what extent do you agree? v.1

It is shown that many criminals have a low level of education, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate them in prison so that they can find a job after they leave prison. v. 1
In today’s world, we are still facing with a wide range of problems. Among these, childhood obesity is one of the most crucial issues and needs to be tackled. Therefore, schools suggested banning any adverts for junk food and other sweet snacks. However, my view is that this is not the best way as children can decide on their own and need a balanced nutrition. Admittedly, on the one hand, if schools show advertisings which attract a lot of young people to buy sugary food, it could lead to problems as they keep consuming it. This reflects badly to their body, ending up being overweight. In this case, the only way to prevent obesity is probably to shut down all adverts displaying unhealthy food and only provide healthy food. As a result, children have no other choice than buying snacks with a huge amount of vitamins and proteins. On the other hand, schools and colleges with flyers presenting unhealthy food does not mean it will eventually increase obesity. Even if some might get attracted by those, young people are allowed to decide what kind of food they want to eat as this is an individual decision. Moreover, consuming some sugary food is a necessary nutrition for each person as each body needs a balanced eating habit. For example, if someone consumed too many unhealthy burgers, they still can do some workouts in order not to get a disease such as obesity. To conclude, although changing posters to healthy food might eliminate some attractions to junk food, I still believe that schools should allow showing them as it is an individual choice and will not lead to obesity for each child.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, we are
still
facing with a wide range of problems. Among these, childhood obesity is one of the most crucial issues and needs to
be tackled
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
suggested banning any adverts for junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and other sweet snacks.
However
, my view is that this is not the best way as children can decide on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and need a balanced nutrition.

Admittedly
, on the one hand, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
Possible spelling mistake found.
advertisings
which attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, it could lead to problems as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
consuming it. This reflects
badly
to their body, ending up being overweight.
In this case
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
obesity is
probably
to shut down all adverts displaying unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
provide healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
As a result
, children have no other choice than buying snacks with a huge amount of vitamins and proteins.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and colleges with flyers presenting unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
does not mean it will
eventually
increase obesity. Even if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted by those, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to decide what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
they want to eat as this is an individual decision.
Moreover
, consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a necessary nutrition for each person as each body needs a balanced eating habit.
For example
, if someone consumed too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unhealthy burgers, they
still
can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workouts in order not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a disease such as obesity.

To conclude
, although changing posters to healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
might eliminate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
attractions to junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, I
still
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
showing them as it is an individual choice and will not lead to obesity for each child.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is shown that many criminals have a low level of education, some people believe that the best way to reduce crime is to educate them in prison so that they can find a job after they leave prison. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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