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Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities. Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea? v.1

Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities. Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea? v. 1
Several college students work in a temporary position along with their studies. This essay agrees that part-time employment will be beneficial for the students in developing their overall personality. This essay will first discuss that half-time jobs will help them to have a better understanding of how to manage the finances. Further, it will outline that part-time job will help them to gain the essential skills which will benefit them in their future. Learning how to manage money and indulging in unnecessary expenses is the key to a prosperous life. Educational college students when get employed in a part time work, they learn how to take effective financial decisions. This is to say, they get an understanding about how to use their salaries effectively in paying rent, purchasing groceries, as well as saving for future uncertainties. As a result, they will become more responsible adults and in future will be able to build a more secure future. To exemplify, a recent study in The New York Times showed that more than 70 percent of students mentioned part-time jobs as a major reason which helped them in learning how to take care of their money. Apart from the aforementioned benefit, doing a past-time job will also aid them to gain more real-life experiences which will increase their level of maturity. In other words, working in a company on a temporary basis will give them a better understanding of how a business operated, how to handle customers and how to complete projects within the deadline. This will not only make their resume more attractive but will also open new job prospects for students and will help to build a successful and prosperous professional life. To elucidate, a recent study in The Times in March 2016 showed that more than 80 percent of college students who worked as a part-time employee was able to get a high level job in future. To conclude, part-time work is mandatory in building the overall character of university students because they learn how to better finance their funds as well as widen their knowledge level that made them capable to grab esteemed jobs.
Several college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
work in a temporary position along with their studies. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
that part-time employment will be beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in developing their
overall
personality. This essay will
first
discuss that half-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to have a better understanding of how to manage the finances.
Further
, it will outline that part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to gain the essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will benefit them in their future.

Learning how to manage money and indulging in unnecessary expenses is the key to a prosperous life. Educational college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed in a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
work, they learn how to take effective financial decisions. This is to say, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an understanding about how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their salaries
effectively
in paying rent, purchasing groceries,
as well
as saving for future uncertainties.
As a result
, they will become more responsible adults and in future will be able to build a more secure future. To exemplify, a recent study in The New York Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 70 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
mentioned part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as a major reason which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
them in learning how to take care of their money.

Apart from the aforementioned benefit, doing a past-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will
also
aid them to gain more real-life experiences which will increase their level of maturity.
In other words
, working in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
on a temporary basis will give them a better understanding of how a business operated, how to handle customers and how to complete projects within the deadline. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their resume more attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
open new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build a successful and prosperous professional life. To elucidate, a recent study in The Times in March 2016
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who worked as a part-time employee was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

To conclude
, part-time work is mandatory in building the
overall
character of university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they learn how to better finance their funds
as well
as widen their knowledge level that made them capable to grab esteemed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities. Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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