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Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.2

Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2
Universities not only educate students, but offer several opportunities such as exchange programmes and extra-curricular activities as well. While some prefer to take part in such activities, others are not in favour of them as they do not want to focus on anything except for their classes. There is no doubt that the advantages of extra-curricular activities outweigh their disadvantages. On the one hand, extra-curricular activities may pose some disadvantages for university students. Firstly, being involved in extra-curricular activities might consume too much free time of students. As a result, they might have not enough time to study, which is crucial during discipline. Secondly, students may experience some physical difficulties when they participate in such activities. For instance, heavy sport trainings may lead to some health issues. Students who join a sports club may get extremely tired and cannot spare enough time for anything else. This may affect the daily life of students negatively. On the other hand, extra-curricular activities may offer a large number of advantages. Nowadays a great number of universities offer extra-curricular activities for their students to socialize during their education timespan. When they participate in these activities and events they may feel more confident and self-assured. One of the other advantages of extra-curricular activities is associated with skills development. During extra-curricular activities, students can acquire extra skills, which may help them throughout their life. According to the survey result, which was published in the Times magazine, 80% of employees believe that doing extra-curricular activities during schooling increased their chance to get a high salary job. To conclude, while extra-curricular activities are disadvantageous in terms of time consumption and physical difficulties, they prove to be beneficial for students since they enable students to socialize and gain skills. Universities should encourage their students to participate in these activities to improve motivation during their study.
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Universities
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
educate
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students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
offer several opportunities such as exchange
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as well
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, others are not in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of them as they do not want to focus on anything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
their classes. There is no doubt that the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
outweigh their disadvantages.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Firstly
,
being involved
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
might consume too much free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
As a result
, they might have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to study, which is crucial during discipline.
Secondly
,
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students
may experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical difficulties when they participate in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For instance
, heavy sport trainings may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health issues.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a sports club may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
The extreme adjective for tired is "exhausted".
extremely tired
and cannot spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for anything else. This may affect the daily life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
negatively
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may offer
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
advantages. Nowadays a great number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to socialize during their education
Possible spelling mistake found.
timespan
. When they participate in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
they may feel more confident and self-assured. One of the other advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is associated
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
development. During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can acquire extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them throughout their life. According to the survey result, which
was published
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
magazine, 80% of employees believe that doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during schooling increased their chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high salary job.

To conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are disadvantageous in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
consumption and physical difficulties, they prove to be beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
since they enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to socialize and gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to participate in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
motivation during their study.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many students like to get involved in extra- curricular activities at university such as social clubs and sports. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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