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Many students decide to further their study abroad. What are the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad? What is your view on this? What do you prefer? v.4

Many students decide to further their study abroad. What are the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad? What is your view on this? What do you prefer? v. 4
There is no doubt that with advancements in globalization all over the world, the majority of young generation are going overseas countries in order to study and to get international experience. This essay surely argue that the advantages of this outweigh the drawbacks. This essay will first explain the benefits of studying in foreign country in compared to domestic universities and then that it brings added cognitive benefits, followed by an analysis of how the disadvantages. The main reason for studying abroad could depend on student needs and their future plans, that is why many students prefer abroad to study at a prestigious colleges where employ excellent lecturers who are experts in their field. On the one hand, living in a foreign county can broaden student’s horizons and qualifications gained abroad will open doors to better job opportunities in competitive business market in which employers are looking for. For instance, According the latest survey recently done by The UK Unemployment Head Office, most global business usually insist to hire those who has a degree from reputed schools rather than hiring ones who are graduated from normal schools. Last thing is that overseas students are exposed to different cultures and customs which effects them by immersing them in a language. On the other hand, being in a unknown country has some negative sides that should not be forgotten. To begin with, living away from home can be seen a challenging situation that leads to having problems related to paperwork such as visa applications and immigrant process. In addition to that students have to find accommodation and pay bills and as a result of this difficult process, many of them feel homesick and miss their families when they does not overcome culture shock. In conclusion, even though there are limited negative sides of studying in foreign countries, as we utterly see that there are much more positives ones than negative ones.
There is no doubt that with advancements in globalization all over the world, the majority of young generation are going overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to study and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
international experience.

This essay
surely
argue that the advantages of this outweigh the drawbacks. This essay will
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the benefits of studying in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in compared to domestic universities and then that it brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
cognitive benefits, followed by an analysis of how the disadvantages.

The main reason for studying abroad could depend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
needs and their future plans,
that is
why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer abroad to study at a prestigious
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "college"?
colleges
where employ excellent lecturers who are experts in their field. On the one hand, living in a foreign county can broaden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
horizons and qualifications gained abroad will open doors to better job opportunities in competitive business market in which employers are looking for.
For instance
, According the latest survey recently done by The UK Unemployment Head Office, most global business
usually
The usual collocation for "insist" is "on" not "to". Did you mean "insist on hiring"?
insist to hire
those who has a degree from reputed schools
rather
than hiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
who
are graduated
from normal schools. Last thing is that overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and customs which effects them by immersing them in a language.

On the other hand
, being in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides that should not
be forgotten
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, living away from home can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a challenging situation that leads to having problems related to paperwork such as visa applications and immigrant process.
In addition
to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find accommodation and pay bills and
as a result
of this difficult process,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them feel homesick and miss their families when they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "do"
does
not overcome culture shock.

In conclusion
,
even though
there
are limited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides of studying in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, as we
utterly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that there are much more positives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many students decide to further their study abroad. What are the benefits and drawbacks of studying abroad? What is your view on this? What do you prefer? v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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