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Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
It is true that most of the parents are pushing their kids to try hard to showcase themselves better than the others. Even some schools are doing the same. Although, this has some advantages like getting opportunities to study in top colleges, it has own disadvantages like those students will not get adopted to team work and they will lack leadership skills. This essay will discuss about both sides. One of the key benefits of making a student try hard to his best is, he will have an opportunity to study in one of the top universities. Most of the parents still believe that scoring higher marks than the other will give their kids such opportunities and also enhances their confidence. For example, Engineering college counselling in TamilNadu under Anna University focuses on students marks. The more you score, the more you will have the chance to choose your college along with the department of your interest. As a result, the students who are pushed hard just to score will have the flexibility in opting the college or department or even location. Despite of the above positive arguments, it has its flip side. Due to high pressure from parents and teachers, students nowadays spend most of their time with books rather than having fun with friends. Moreover, in order to score more than the other, they are restricted to study as a group. For instance, if students are put into groups to study and to share their knowledge, it will influence everyone to score better and learn more. In contrary, few are not allowed to do so, as others may come to know their tricks and may score better than them. As a consequence, those students will lose their friends and ability to work as a team. In conclusion, it is good to push students to try harder than others for a better future. However, they need to understand that it is not always possible to compete alone. They need work together with others as a team for everyone's benefit.
It is true that most of the parents are pushing their kids to try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to showcase themselves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than the others. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
schools are doing the same. Although, this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages like getting opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in top colleges, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
disadvantages like those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adopted to team
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they will lack leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss both"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about both
sides.

One of the key benefits of making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to his best is, he will have an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in one of the top universities. Most of the parents
still
believe that scoring higher marks than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
will give their kids such opportunities and
also
enhances their confidence.
For example
, Engineering college counselling in
Possible spelling mistake found.
TamilNadu
under Anna University focuses on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
marks. The more you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
, the more you will have the chance to choose your college along with the department of your interest.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are pushed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
will have the flexibility in opting the college or department or even location.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the above
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
arguments, it has its flip side. Due to high pressure from parents and teachers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
nowadays spend most of their time with books
rather
than having fun with friends.
Moreover
, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, they
are restricted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
as a group.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are put
into groups to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and to share their knowledge, it will influence everyone to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
and learn more. In contrary, few are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, as others may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know their tricks and may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than them. As a consequence, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will lose their friends and ability to work as a team.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to try harder than others for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
future.
However
, they need to understand that it is not always possible to compete alone. They need work together with others as a team for everyone's benefit.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many students are taught to push themselves to try and be better than other students, rather than work together for everyone’s benefits. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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