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Nowadays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get the locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v.4

Nowadays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get the locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 4
Visiting museums and heritage sites are mainly done by foreign travellers than locals these days. A high entrance fee is one of the key reasons why more and more local visitors are not interested in visiting such places, and this issue can be addressed lowering the cost of entry tickets. The entrance ticket to local museums or historical attractions is prohibitive which makes local people unwilling to visit these sites. Often, people who live in the region spend their money on something that is most necessary to sustain their lives, such as paying bills and buying groceries. Even if they have to spend it for entertainment, they would have used it for watching a movie in the cinema, for example, as it is more affordable. This situation has also been proven from a recent survey conducted by Ministry of Tourism in Indonesia, where native residents stated ‘too expensive’ as the main factor why they are not interested in spending their leisure time at historical tourism sites. Lowering the cost of entering such tourist spots seems to be an effective method in attracting the locals. This approach allows these local people to afford the price of the ticket, and as a result, they will pay a visit to these places more often than before. The majority of people in Britain, for instance, tend to visit more historical attractions than other entertainments due to its low-cost ticket. Overall, it seems logical to conclude that a high entrance ticket to some historical sites or museums has a detrimental consequences for the locals. By reducing the admission fees, it allows them to afford to purchase the ticket and subsequently increase their interest to visit these places more frequently than ever before.
Visiting museums and heritage sites are
mainly
done by foreign
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
these days. A high entrance fee is one of the key reasons why more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
visitors are not interested in visiting such places, and this issue can
be addressed
lowering the cost of entry tickets.

The entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
museums or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
attractions is prohibitive which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unwilling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
these sites.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the region spend their money on something
that is
most necessary to sustain their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, such as paying bills and buying groceries. Even if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
The usual prepositions that follow 'spend it' are either "on" or 'in'. Did you mean "spend it on"?
spend it for
entertainment, they would have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
it for watching a movie in the cinema,
for example
, as it is more affordable. This situation has
also
been proven
from a recent survey conducted by Ministry of Tourism in Indonesia, where native residents stated ‘too expensive’ as the main factor why they are not interested in spending their leisure time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
tourism sites.

Lowering the cost of entering such tourist spots seems to be an effective method in attracting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
. This approach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to afford the price of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
, and
as a result
, they will pay a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to these places more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Britain,
for instance
, tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
attractions than other entertainments due to its low-cost ticket.

Overall
, it seems logical
to conclude
that a high entrance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
sites or museums has a detrimental
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "consequence"?
consequences
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
locals
. By reducing the admission fees, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
and
subsequently
increase their interest to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
these places more
frequently
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Nowadays museums and historical sites are mainly visited by foreign tourists instead of locals. Why is this happening? What can be done to get the locals to visit museums and historical sites more? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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