Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you think it is good to push students to study hard in their youth? v.1

Do you think it is good to push students to study hard in their youth? v. 1
High expectations for children are nothing new in today’s society. It leads to the tendency to push children to study harder and harder. In my opinion, the connection between effort and achievement is quite obvious and should not be denied. As children grow older, they are more capable of learning more and the amount of time they spend in studying should increase correspondingly. Hard work can raise the odds of success by increasing their knowledge (both general and specialised), improving their abilities and expanding their skill set. All are essential to their success later in life. Without the full commitment to schoolwork, students might end up with struggling with failing school performance and even dropping out of the school. Full engagement in schooling also matches the trends of a Modern society. To succeed in today’s challenging economy, young people need advanced skills in core subjects like English, math and science, as well as the ability to use computers, solve problems effectively, think critically and work in teams. It appears that most students lack motivation to study and their attention can be diverted easily by such distractions as video games. Without an unmistakable message delivered to them that academic achievement is what makes them survive in this competitive world, they will not learn as much as their ability and effort permits. Despite the great value of hardworking, one should bear in mind the fact that students of all ages need time to play and relax. They should be given freedom to develop their hobbies and encouraged to dabble in different activities, so they can learn in depth about the world, explore ideas and soothe themselves. Children’s tolerance for stress is another noteworthy issue. Failing to cope with stress might disable students from maintaining their interest in studying. A prolonged period of learning is disruptive to children’s learning outcomes, distancing students from critical thinking and turning them into rote learners. From what has been discussed, studying hard is critical to a student’s success, helping him or her acquire more knowledge in his or her youth and leading him or her to focus on schoolwork. However, the balance between work and relaxation should be considered in equal measure. Parents and teachers are advised to help children design their timetables scientifically in case that they are fed up with studying.
High expectations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are nothing new in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society. It leads to the tendency to push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study harder and harder. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
effort and achievement is quite obvious and should not
be denied
.

As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grow older, they are more capable of learning more and the amount of time they spend in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
should increase
correspondingly
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
work can raise the odds of success by increasing their knowledge (both general and
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialised' is British English.
specialised
), improving their abilities and expanding their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set. All are essential to their success later in life. Without the full commitment to schoolwork,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with struggling with failing school performance and even dropping out of the school.

Full engagement in schooling
also
matches the trends of a Modern society. To succeed in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s challenging economy, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need advanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in core subjects like English, math and science,
as well
as the ability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers, solve problems
effectively
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
critically
and work in teams. It appears that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
lack motivation to study and their attention can
be diverted
easily
by such distractions as video games. Without an unmistakable message delivered to them that academic achievement is what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them survive in this competitive world, they will not learn as much as their ability and effort permits.

Despite the great value of hardworking, one should bear in mind the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of all ages need time to play and relax. They should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom to develop their hobbies and encouraged to dabble in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can learn in depth about the world, explore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and soothe themselves.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children’s
tolerance for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
is another noteworthy issue. Failing to cope with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
might disable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from maintaining their interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
. A prolonged period of learning is disruptive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
learning outcomes, distancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from critical thinking and turning them into rote learners.

From what has
been discussed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
is critical to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
success, helping him or her acquire more knowledge in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
youth and leading him or her to focus on schoolwork.
However
, the balance between work and relaxation should
be considered
in equal measure. Parents and teachers
are advised
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
design their timetables
scientifically
in case that they
are fed
up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think it is good to push students to study hard in their youth? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
386 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts