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Abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic. Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic. Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it. v. 1
The exponential growth rate of miscarriage around the world has caused many controversies whether this phenomenon should be banned or behave like legal action. While there is solid logic behind pass a law to allow women to make a decision about this issue by themselves, some opponents are opposed to it. First of all, never has it been painless to have a child for some people in some situations. In fact, due to the fact that making a baby is a result of having sex, which is an enjoyable activity for individuals to do, there should many unwanted children. For example; they could be either universities' student or people who have many financial problems. By banning abortion, their life would be ruined and they give birth to a child who will be through many pains and unfilled needs. Secondly, rapists are another reason for legal miscarriage, which demand profound consideration. For instance, those who are raped by someone and get pregnant in that horrible incident would have no chance to remove what's on their womb without a legislation for legal abortion. This could be even worst when there are rapists not just one rapist. Therefore, all the logic will stand for passing a law to allow women to make the decision for what has happened to them. To sum up, although there might be some opponents of legal abortion, there is always a reason behind miscarriage for women. I once again reaffirm my position in this matter and vote for legal abort law.
The exponential growth rate of miscarriage around the world has caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
controversies whether this phenomenon should
be banned
or behave like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
action. While there is solid logic behind pass a law to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
women to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decision about this issue by themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opponents
are opposed
to it.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, never has it been painless to have a child for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations. In fact, due to the fact that making a baby is a result of having sex, which is an enjoyable activity for individuals to do, there should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unwanted children.
For example
; they could be either universities' student or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
financial problems. By banning abortion, their life would be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ruined and
they give birth to a child who will be through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pains and unfilled needs.

Secondly
, rapists are another reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
miscarriage, which demand profound consideration.
For instance
, those who
are raped
by someone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pregnant in that horrible incident would have no chance to remove what's on their womb without a legislation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
abortion. This could be even worst when there are rapists not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one rapist.
Therefore
, all the logic will stand for passing a law to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
women to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the decision for what has happened to them.

To sum up, although there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
abortion, there is always a reason behind miscarriage for women. I once again reaffirm my position in this matter and vote for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
legal
abort law.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Abortion increases rapidly and becomes a controversial topic. Some people suppose that abortion should be legal while others are against it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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