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In many countries, there is a push to get as many young people going to university as possible. To what extent do you think this effort is a worthwhile one? Do you think some people can benefit from not going to university? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

In many countries, there is a push to get as many young people going to university as possible. Do you think some people can benefit from not going to university? v. 2
There are no children in this world which is untouched by the phenomenon of university education. Recent studies indicate that this trend is only likely to accentuate in the coming decades, considering the ground realities of the modern world. Increasingly laid out for all to see and fast becoming a fixture of many discussions that pertains to whether the teenagers benefits from the university graduation or not. This essay shall analyse this issue from every angle and argue that the high-level education offers several benefits to the youngsters. A quick perusal of the issue at hand would throw up a surfeit of seminal reasons supporting some people's perspective that adolescence has no benefits of graduating from the university. Firstly, it would cause a financial difficulty since they have to pay a handsome higher education fee to the institutions. They also feel that such higher education would create a mental stress if the young people failed to get the appropriate job opportunities. To top it all, it is their contention that the university degrees are not as effective as they think. However, if we are honest about it, we might acknowledge that the above mentioned view point is an intensely insensitive and rankly remote less approach to the whole issue which only showcases our intellectual bankruptcy of our current existences and provides an irrefutable evidence of how desensitised we are both emotionally and morally. In my arsenal of arguments supporting the viewpoint that university education has several advantages, one of the most potent is that it would help the young ages to get a better work opportunity which would raise their living standard. I also believe that it would help to build a better society as such education would give more degree holders. Additionally, adding succour to my line of reasoning is the various research topics which shows a significant correlation between the higher education and the development of the society. Finally, I would opine that higher-level education not only benefits the individual but also the society. Having considered both sides, it seems ever so sensible to register my disagreement with the statement that some people can benefit from not going to university. Suffice it to say, it would be prudent to state that degree holders have many benefits.
There are no children in this world which
is untouched
by the phenomenon of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Recent studies indicate that this trend is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
likely to accentuate in the coming decades, considering the ground realities of the modern world.
Increasingly
laid out for all to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
becoming a fixture of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
discussions that pertains to whether the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You should probably use "benefit".
benefits
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
graduation or not. This essay shall
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
this issue from every angle and argue that the high-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
offers several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to the youngsters.

A quick perusal of the issue at hand would throw up a surfeit of seminal reasons supporting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's perspective that adolescence has no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
of graduating from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Firstly
, it would cause a financial difficulty since they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay a handsome higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
fee to the institutions. They
also
feel that such higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would create a mental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
if the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
failed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the appropriate job opportunities. To top it all, it is their contention that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
degrees are not as effective as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.

However
, if we are honest about it, we might acknowledge that the above mentioned view point is an
intensely
insensitive and
rankly
remote less approach to the whole issue which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
showcases our intellectual bankruptcy of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
existences and provides an irrefutable evidence of how
Possible spelling mistake. 'desensitised' is British English.
desensitised
we are both
emotionally
and
morally
.

In my arsenal of arguments supporting the viewpoint that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has several advantages, one of the most potent is that it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the young ages to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better work opportunity which would raise their living standard. I
also
believe that it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build a better society as such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would give more degree holders.
Additionally
, adding
Possible spelling mistake found.
succour
to my line of reasoning is the various research topics which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a significant correlation between the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and the development of the society.
Finally
, I would opine that higher-level
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
the individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the society.

Having considered both sides, it seems ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
sensible to register my disagreement with the statement that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
from not going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. Suffice it to say, it would be prudent to state that degree holders have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, there is a push to get as many young people going to university as possible. Do you think some people can benefit from not going to university? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
378 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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