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Many sports players advertised sport-related products. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v.1

Many sports players advertised sport-related products. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1
Ever since we realised our powers to harness humour, we have started utilising it to make our life comfortable and more convenient. However, we then began to over utilise this authority and damage humour to an extent that is catastrophic for the entire human race. Global warming and environmental pollutions are threatening our very existence on this planet and yet we are neglecting our obligations to protect the environment primarily because we fail to realise the real consequences of it and believe that it can be dealt with in the subsequent. The first reason for this is our incompetency to understand the dire consequences of climate change. Despite frequent headlines on TV and newspapers all over the world, we are still oblivious of the fate of the world. When we are working hard to save some money to build a house or have a car in the prospective, we cannot fathom how many parts of the world would become unlivable due to the sea level rise and pollutions. If we only knew, we would have taken to preserve quality as seriously as we take our own profession or forthcoming. Moreover, many people feel that environmental problems are too complex to control through individual actions, which I believe is a misguided idea. Another reason we are indifferent towards environmental degradation is our false confidence that it could be dealt with in the prospective. As a result, we are concerned more about solving immediate problems such as housing shortage or traffic congestion than to prevent the disaster that is only predicted to happen in the imminent. For instance, many individuals still believe that the rate of environmental degradation and global warming is not as severe as they are reported in the media, and technology that we will develop in the subsequent would control it easily. These beliefs and attitudes are obviously mistaken and we need to act now to control the damage. The youngsters must be taught their obligations to preserve quality in schools and encouraged to plant trees whenever possible. Besides, the government should adopt stricter laws that would prohibit citizens from using disposable goods that are harmful to the environment. Finally, the government can encourage people to make the environment greener by offering tax incentives and other benefits. To conclude, if we do not want to make our mother planet an inhabitable and barren place, we need to concede the real danger of climate change and act prudently to save it for us and our forthcoming generations.
Ever since we
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
our powers to harness
Possible spelling mistake. 'humour' is British English.
humour
, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our life comfortable and more convenient.
However
, we then began to over
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
this authority and damage
Possible spelling mistake. 'humour' is British English.
humour
to an extent
that is
catastrophic for the entire human race. Global warming and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
pollutions are threatening our
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
existence on this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
planet and
yet
we are neglecting our obligations to protect the environment
primarily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we fail to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the real consequences of it and believe that it can
be dealt
with in the subsequent.

The
first
reason for this is our incompetency to understand the dire consequences of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. Despite frequent headlines on TV and newspapers all over the world, we are
still
oblivious of the fate of the world. When we are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money to build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or have a car in the prospective, we cannot fathom how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parts of the world would become unlivable due to the sea level rise and pollutions. If we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
knew, we would have taken to preserve quality as
seriously
as we take our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
profession or forthcoming.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
problems are too complex to control through individual actions, which I believe is a misguided
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

Another reason we are indifferent towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
degradation is our false confidence that it could
be dealt
with in the prospective.
As a result
, we
are concerned
more about solving immediate problems such as housing shortage or traffic congestion than to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the disaster
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
predicted to happen in the imminent.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals
still
believe that the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
degradation and global warming is not as severe as they
are reported
in the media, and technology that we will develop in the subsequent would control it
easily
.

These beliefs and attitudes are
obviously
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mistaken and
we need to act
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to control the damage. The youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taught
their obligations to preserve quality in schools and encouraged to plant trees whenever possible.
Besides
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should adopt stricter laws that would prohibit citizens from using disposable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that are harmful to the environment.
Finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the environment greener by offering tax incentives and other benefits.

To conclude
, if we do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our mother planet an inhabitable and barren place, we need to concede the real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and act
prudently
to save it for us and our forthcoming generations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Many sports players advertised sport-related products. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
417 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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