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Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
The industralisation of cities has led some people to suggest that large businesses and factories should move out of the city. Even though this fresh approach has benefits, we should bear in mind that it has also negatives. I am of the opinion that the merits outmatch all the drawbacks in importance. On one hand, relocating industries and large businesses out of the city has significant aspects. The most prominent benefit, to my mind, is pollution decreasement. What I mean is that these factories emit carbon dioxide, a poisonous gas which has bad implication to the atmosphere of cities. Not to mention that the cars, predominatly large vehicles, which are related with businesses will no longer move in the cities, so, the congestion will decline. Moreover, there is another aspect, equally as advantageous, that is, convenience. More specifically, businesses will have plenty of space, and as a result, they will be more aproachable to clients and transport companies. For example, I always prefer going to large markets out of the city since I can park my car freely. One the other hand, there is a flip side, though. The most serious anxiety, in my opinion, is distance. In fact, the vast majority of workers and live in the city or nearby. Consequently, stakeholders cover significant distances by private car or means of transoport to visit their workplace. This is costly and it takes also personal time. Moreover, one other factor, equally as worrying, is the list of clients. Actually, some clients, especially seniors, cannot go there as they might not have cars or they are not accustomed to public transport. Simply put, several corporations will lose one category of clients, for the most part, as it would be more difficult for them to visit the place. Without a doubt, local places are more attractive to clients than secluded areas. Taking all the aforementioned into consideration, even though factories and large businesses out of the city offer considerable pros, they have also cons. As far as I am concerned, even taking into account the shortcomings, the virtues are more important since they protect cities from immediate pollution. Obviously, what it all should come down to is nature’s protection rather than our convenience.
The
Possible spelling mistake found.
industralisation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and factories should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of the city.
Even though
this fresh approach has benefits, we should bear in mind that it has
also
negatives. I am of the opinion that the merits outmatch all the drawbacks in importance.

On one hand, relocating industries and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
out of the city has significant aspects. The most prominent benefit, to my mind, is pollution
Possible spelling mistake found.
decreasement
. What I mean is that these factories emit carbon dioxide, a poisonous gas which has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
implication to the atmosphere of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Not to mention that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
predominatly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
vehicles, which
are related
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
will no longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the congestion will decline.
Moreover
, there is another aspect,
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
advantageous,
that is
, convenience. More
specifically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of space, and
as a result
, they will be more
Possible spelling mistake found.
aproachable
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
and transport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For example
, I always prefer going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
markets out of the city since I can park my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
freely
.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, there is a flip side, though. The most serious anxiety, in my opinion, is distance. In fact, the vast majority of workers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the city or nearby.
Consequently
, stakeholders cover significant distances by private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
or means of
Possible spelling mistake found.
transoport
to visit their workplace. This is costly and it takes
also
personal time.
Moreover
, one other factor,
Use either "equally" or "as" on its own. When comparing two nouns, use "just as".
equally as
worrying, is the list of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
. Actually,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
,
especially
seniors, cannot go there as they might not have
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cars or
they are not accustomed to public transport.
Simply
put, several corporations will lose one category of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
,
for the most part
, as it would be more difficult for them to visit the place. Without a doubt, local places are more attractive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clients
than secluded areas.

Taking all the aforementioned into consideration,
even though
factories and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
out of the city offer considerable pros, they have
also
cons. As far as I
am concerned
, even taking into account the shortcomings, the virtues are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
since they protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
from immediate pollution.
Obviously
, what it all should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
down to is nature’s protection
rather
than our convenience.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industry to move to regional areas outside large urban centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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