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Many small local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area, How does this affect local communities? how could this situation be improved? v.1

Many small local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area, How does this affect local communities? how could this situation be improved? v. 1
It is true that the majority of mini grocery stores are shutting down eventually because of being lack of capability of surviving in the stiff competition of huge supermarkets in the same area. Through the problems that causes many drawbacks, there are ways to help improving this situation. There are many downsides that people have to face due to the closure of local shops. First of all, it might cost them more money to pay for the goods as local shops are more attractive for customers in terms of pricing. For example, a supermarket is much bigger than a local shop, so the owner needs money to pay for the electricity fee or transportation fee, therefore, the price of each good they sell is much higher than a local shop sell. Moreover, many local shops in the same area can be a positive thing for families. They do not have to move too far from their house in case of emergency as long as they have babies. So due to the shutter of convenient stores, people are getting more and more inconveniences who cannot travel long distance from their house. As a result, there are measures for the government to step in and control the problems explained above. One effective method is funding from the owner for those investors to invest in their potential shops. Another way that the government can do is to subsidize for the local shops to purchase for the goods. That helps many local shops withstand the competition with large supermarkets. In conclusion, although the number of mini stores is shutting down due to the appearance of many large supermarkets, but with just various of measures from the government, that can help them as also for the benefits of the community and the nation as whole.
It is true that the majority of mini grocery stores are shutting down
eventually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of being lack of capability of surviving in the stiff competition of huge supermarkets in the same area. Through the problems that causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks, there are ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to improve" or "improve".
improving
this situation.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
downsides that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face due to the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it might cost them more money to pay for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
are more attractive for customers in terms of pricing.
For example
, a supermarket is much bigger than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the owner needs money to pay for the electricity fee or transportation fee,
therefore
, the price of each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
they sell is much higher than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
sell.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the same area can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing for families. They do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
too far from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
in case of emergency as long as they have babies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
due to the shutter of convenient stores,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting more and more inconveniences who cannot travel long distance from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.

As a result
, there are measures for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to step in and control the problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
above. One effective method is funding from the owner for those investors to invest in their potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. Another way that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can do is to subsidize for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
withstand the competition with large supermarkets.

In conclusion
, although the number of mini stores is shutting down due to the appearance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large supermarkets,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
various of measures from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them as
also
for the benefits of the community and the nation as whole.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Many small local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area, How does this affect local communities? how could this situation be improved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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