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The only way to solve the increasing crime rate Of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. To what extent do you agree? v.4

The only way to solve the increasing crime rate Of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 4
The climbing rate of juvenile delinquency has led to the debate of better parenting classes. To which people believe, it is the only reason behind this increase. However, I do not agree with the said statement and various arguments support my opinion. To start with, increase in crime rates by juvenile has nothing to do with teaching parenting skills as no parent want their young ones to become a criminal and therefore, every parent tries to pass on good thoughts and habits to their child. Moreover, just giving a lesson on parenting will not solve the aforementioned issue. As, children also equip knowledge, thoughts and habits from their teachers and friends at school. For this reason, school teachers need to be given the responsibility of looking at children's change in behaviour and their friends circle. In my opinion, to reduce this crime rate by youngsters, harsh steps need to be taken by both governments and parents. Firstly, government need to reduce the age of juvenile trial so that the youngster doing the crime should be treated as an adult in court of law and hence, can be given harsh punishment than before. Secondly, parents need to teach their children about these offences and why are they considered as so. Also, parents should keep an eye on their young one's friends' circle and their content of TV programmes as these have a major impact on their mind at this age. Violent serials can lead to dangerous thoughts and thus lead to heinous crimes. For instance, In Australia a 16 year old child, killed 12 of his friends after watching a thriller web series which was extremely brutal in nature. To sum up, teaching better parenting skills is not the only way to curb child offenders. Society, including the government needs to work as a single unit in this area and a make better future for the young ones.
The climbing rate of juvenile delinquency has led to the debate of better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
classes. To which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe, it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason behind this increase.
However
, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the said statement and various arguments support my opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates by juvenile has nothing to do with teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
want their young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to become a criminal and
therefore
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
tries to pass on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thoughts and habits to their child.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
giving a lesson on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
will not solve the aforementioned issue. As, children
also
equip knowledge, thoughts and habits from their teachers and friends at school.
For this reason
, school teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the responsibility of looking at children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and their friends circle.

In my opinion, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate by youngsters, harsh steps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
be taken
by both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the age of juvenile trial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the youngster doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
should
be treated
as an adult in court of law and
hence
, can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
harsh punishment than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to teach their children about these
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
and why are they considered as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their young one's friends' circle and their content of TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
as these have a major impact on their mind at this age. Violent serials can lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
thoughts and
thus
lead to heinous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
For instance
, In
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
Australia


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
16 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
child, killed 12 of his friends after watching a thriller web series which was
extremely
brutal in nature.

To sum up, teaching better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to curb child offenders. Society, including the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to work as a single unit in this area and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better future for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to solve the increasing crime rate Of young offenders is to teach parents better parenting skills. v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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