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Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does this affect local communities? How could this situation be improved? v.4

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does this affect local communities? How could this situation be improved? v. 4
With technological advancements, the world of shopping is changing at a rapid pace. Several small business owners are the most affected by this recent trend, as they aren’t able to match up with the giant hypermarkets and are forced to close down eventually. This essay will discuss two of the main reasons causing this and propose measures to address the same. Firstly, the local shopkeepers are undoubtedly no competition for the big players in the retail industry due to their grandeur, size and scale. They will often have a very tiny space to stock their products and mostly unorganized, whereas the supermarkets are ten times bigger in space. Moreover, their products are segmented by category, clearly labelled with pricing and systematically organized. For example, Tesco, which is one of the biggest chains of supermarkets have an entire aisle for each product such as Diary, Meat, Utensils and many more. To overcome this issue, small shop owners should adapt to the way business is done in the 21st century. They should take their store online, which would not cost much to set up a website and offer free home delivery service and attract the customers. Another major concern would be the product pricing and the offers provide by the supermarkets. The products there cost 1. 5 times cheaper that any local shop. This is because they directly buy the stock from the manufacturers, thereby cutting down the middle costs. For instance, a 500 ml bottle of Head and Shoulders shampoo would cost around 120 Rupees in a supermarket, whereas the same would cost around 150 Rupees in any local shop. To address this problem, the local communities should tie-up with supermarkets for a long term period and discuss the contract terms in a way that it benefits both sides. In conclusion, although technology can be a threat to the small businessmen locally, these problems are not insurmountable. In my view, it is the responsibility of both, the local business owners and the supermarkets and they should begin by considering some of the solutions proposed above.
With technological advancements, the world of shopping is changing at a rapid pace. Several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
business owners are the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this recent trend, as they aren’t able to match up with the giant hypermarkets and
are forced
to close down
eventually
. This essay will discuss two of the main reasons causing this and propose measures to address the same.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shopkeepers are
undoubtedly
no competition for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
players in the retail industry due to their grandeur, size and scale. They will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tiny space to stock their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
mostly
unorganized, whereas the supermarkets are ten times bigger in space.
Moreover
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are segmented
by category,
clearly
labelled with pricing and
systematically
organized.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tesco
, which is one of the biggest chains of supermarkets have an entire aisle for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
such as Diary, Meat, Utensils and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. To overcome this issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
shop owners should adapt to the way business
is done
in the 21st century. They should take their store online, which would not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
much to set up a website and offer free home delivery service and attract the customers.

Another major concern would be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
pricing and the offers provide by the supermarkets. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
1. 5 times cheaper that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shop. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the stock from the manufacturers, thereby cutting down the middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
.
For instance
, a 500 ml bottle of Head and Shoulders shampoo would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
around 120 Rupees in a supermarket, whereas the same would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
around 150 Rupees in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shop. To address this problem, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
communities should tie-up with supermarkets for a long term period and discuss the contract terms in a way that it benefits both sides.

In conclusion
, although technology can be a threat to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
businessmen
locally
, these problems are not insurmountable. In my view, it is the responsibility of both, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
business owners and the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
supermarkets and
they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
by considering
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
solutions proposed above.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does this affect local communities? How could this situation be improved? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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