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Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does this effect local communities? How could this situation be improved? v.3

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does this effect local communities? How could this situation be improved? v. 3
A lot of small businesses have been closing down because of their inability to compete with large shopping malls. Most people say they prefer a large shopping centre rather than a local shop. I believe that the biggest shopping malls can give convenient for local people and also the way to improve the local businesses. First of all, large shopping centre can give you a wide range of products and services to customers. Also, giving customers a reasonable price for all their goods because of the economies of scale. For example, canned food or snack which has a lower price than local shops. Moreover, big stores offer perks like occasional sales, sudden drops on certain items price, and shopping loyalty cards. Lastly, large stores offer shoppers almost all they would need, unlike small shops. For instance, the large shopping centre can do financially help the local government while the local shops can't. Secondly, the local government needs to put a cap on the prices of the fundamental products and control them strictly. This will make sure that supermarket chains cannot dictate the pricing and eventually helps local shops to sustain themselves. Also, small businesses can use e-commerce as a new way of shopping by letting the customers do online shopping, it’ll help people who cannot travel for a long distance and benefit the owner itself. To conclude, even though the large shops tend to benefit the community more than local shops and crush small shops to the point of bankruptcy, but small shops can improve the businesses by using a strategic plan be adapted to the current market trend and make it on par with the large supermarkets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
businesses have been closing down
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their inability to compete with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls. Most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
say they prefer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
rather
than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
. I believe that the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls can give convenient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
also
the way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businesses.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
can give you a wide range of products and services to customers.
Also
, giving customers a reasonable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
for all their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the economies of scale.
For example
, canned food or snack which has a lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
stores offer perks like occasional sales, sudden drops on certain items
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
loyalty cards.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
stores offer shoppers almost all they would need, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
can do
financially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
can't.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs to put a cap on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of the fundamental products and control them
strictly
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that supermarket chains cannot dictate the pricing and
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to sustain themselves.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
businesses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
e-commerce as a new way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
by letting the customers do online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, it’ll
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who cannot travel for a long distance and benefit the owner itself.

To conclude
,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
tend to benefit the community more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and crush
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
to the point of bankruptcy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the businesses by using a strategic plan
be adapted
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
market trend and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it on par with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
large
supermarkets.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does this effect local communities? How could this situation be improved? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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