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Revenue Sources and Expenditures of a USA Charity in one year, 2016. Task 1 Sample - Revenue sources and expenditure of a charityTask 1 Sample - Revenue sources and expenditure of a charity v.1

Revenue Sources and Expenditures of a USA Charity in one year, 2016. Task 1 Sample - Revenue sources and expenditure of a charityTask 1 Sample - Revenue sources and expenditure of a charity v. 1
It is considered by many that rich countries ought to help poor nations when they become unable to meet their basic needs. I, personally, support with this viewpoint; in the following paragraphs I will discuss elaborately that wealthy countries should continue their help in the form of humanitarian relief in order to make a world with no hunger and to extend their business around the universe. Firstly, it is largely developed nations' moral responsibility to provide daily essentials to poverty-stricken nations. The help can be done by any means, such as, by distributing emergency clean water, food and clothes. Rich countries are supposed to come forward to change the lives of destitute nations because they ruled those nations in the past; by smuggling their wealth, they made them poor nations. Moreover, rich countries are now leading the world and they are now policy makers. To make a peaceful, happy and hunger-free world, they should help poorer nations so that these nations can prosper in every field. Secondly, usually, multi-national companies are run by wealthy nations. Those companies always look for new markets of their produced commodities around the world. If they assist unprivileged nations to progress their lives, they have a chance to extend their market in those nations in future. Because when a nation prosper, they tend to spend on luxury and multi-national companies can take advantage of this chance. For example, nowadays, China is assisting certain poor African countries so that they can extend their market in near future in those nations. In conclusion, developed countries ought to continue their humanitarian help in destitute nations not only it is their responsibility but also to increase their business in those nations.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
ought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
when they become unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their basic needs. I,
personally
, support with this viewpoint; in the following paragraphs I will discuss
elaborately
that wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the form of humanitarian relief in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
with no hunger and to extend their business around the universe.

Firstly
, it is
largely
developed nations' moral responsibility to provide daily essentials to poverty-stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
can
be done
by any means, such as, by distributing emergency clean water, food and clothes. Rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they ruled those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in the past; by smuggling their wealth, they made them poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Moreover
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
leading the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a peaceful, happy and hunger-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can prosper in every field.

Secondly
,
usually
, multi-national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are run
by wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
always look for new markets of their produced commodities around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. If they assist unprivileged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to progress their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, they have a chance to extend their market in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
prosper, they tend to spend on luxury and multi-national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can take advantage of this chance.
For example
, nowadays, China is assisting certain poor African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can extend their market in near future in those nations.

In conclusion
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
ought to continue their humanitarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in destitute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
it is their responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to increase their business in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Revenue Sources and Expenditures of a USA Charity in one year, 2016. Task 1 Sample - Revenue sources and expenditure of a charityTask 1 Sample - Revenue sources and expenditure of a charity v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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