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In some areas of the us a curfew is imposed in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by adults. What is your opinion about this? v.3

In some areas of the us a curfew is imposed in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by adults. What is your opinion about this? v. 3
Teenagers love late night parties and outings. However, in some areas in the Us, restriction  has been placed on the movement of teenagers in some hours of the night except they are followed by adults. In my opinion, I believe this is a great idea, as it will help reduce crime rate in the country and incidences of teenagers entering into trouble. To begin with, placing a ban on movement of young adults at wee hours of the night will help reduce crime rate in the United states. Most times, crimes are performed at late hours of the day when most people have retired to their houses. Thus, If teens are left unsupersvised at this hour Of the day, they might fall into bad groups, make friends which will lead them to commit grievous crimes. To exemplify, a certain group of teenagers in London high school was reportedly performing poorly in their studies after a thorough investigation, it was revealed that these sets of students had a meeting place they usually go to every night to rob unsuspecting neighbors of their belongings. This habit would have been curbed if these children were properly supervised by their parents. Furthermore, teenagers should not be left unsupervised at night for their own safety. Evil people lure around at night if they see a young one unattended to they might be kidnapped and raped or even killed. Hence, it should be overemphasized that no teenager should be left unattended to at odd hours of the night by their parents. There was a case of a 13 year old teenage girl in Manhattan who snuck out of her house to meet up with friends for a party this girl did not get to the venue as she was kidnapped, raped and killed by a man who offered to give her a ride. This boils down to adults monitoring the movements of their young ones at all times and especially at dark times. To conclude, in order to preserve the lives of these youngsters, adult supervision is highly necessary to ensure safety and reduce crime rates among them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
parties and outings.
However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas in
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "Us"?
the Us
, restriction
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
has
been placed
on the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
except they
are followed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. In my opinion, I believe this is a great
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, as it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in the country and incidences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
entering into trouble.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, placing a ban on movement of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
at wee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate in the
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
United states
. Most times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are performed
at late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of the day when most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have retired to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
Thus
, If teens are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
Possible spelling mistake found.
unsupersvised
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
Of the day, they might fall into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
groups,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends which will lead them to commit grievous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. To exemplify, a certain group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
in London high school was reportedly performing
poorly
in their studies after a thorough investigation, it
was revealed
that these sets of students had a meeting place they
usually
go to every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
to rob unsuspecting neighbors of their belongings. This habit would have
been curbed
if these children were
properly
supervised by their parents.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unsupervised at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
safety. Evil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lure around at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a young one unattended to they might
be kidnapped
and raped or even killed.
Hence
, it should
be overemphasized
that no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unattended to at odd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
by their parents. There was a case of a 13 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
teenage girl in Manhattan who snuck out of her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with friends for a party this girl did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the venue as she
was kidnapped
, raped and killed by a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who offered to give her a ride. This boils down to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
monitoring the movements of their young ones at all times and
especially
at dark times.

To conclude
, in order to preserve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of these youngsters, adult supervision is
highly
necessary to ensure safety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates among them.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In some areas of the us a curfew is imposed in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by adults. What is your opinion about this? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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