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Many products that we buy are made in other countries. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v.2

Many products that we buy are made in other countries. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v. 2
Most of the products we purchase today are manufactured in other countries. Although this may cause higher unemployment rate in the home country and marginalisation of a nation’s identity, it enhances people to exchange their culture and brotherhood. In my opinion, the merits of the situation far outweigh the demerits. On the one hand, people get to know each other more closely and become connected, when the products they use are produced in other countries. This enables to share one nation’s lifestyle, tradition to others. For example, most of the luxurious coats are only produced in France, but they have been very common clothes in every nation. Besides, the dependency of countries to each other has increased by this, resulting in deeper bonding between them. To get a pair of Nike shoes, for instance, we cannot ignore Vietnamese and Pakistani people. So, cultural exchange and closer connection are the results of items coming from different countries. On the other hand, it may increase the unemployment rate of a country and the chances of its identity being marginalised. Because companies producing their products outside their country create no working places for their people. As an illustration, the American people have no working opportunities in Nike as its operation runs outside the country. In addition, citizens of a particular country become less inclined to reflect their tradition, rather like outside culture if foreign products are more fascinating. Thus, workplaces lack and identity demolishes of a country due to this. In conclusion, we are used to wearing products from outside countries. Despite having some negative effects, this creates a closer connection among people and inspires them to share their cultures. Considering both the sides, I think, the benefits people get are far more than the negative effects it has.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are manufactured
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Although this may cause higher unemployment rate in the home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'marginalisation' is British English.
marginalisation
of a nation’s identity, it enhances
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to exchange their culture and brotherhood. In my opinion, the merits of the situation far outweigh the demerits.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
more
closely
and become connected, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
are produced
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This enables to share one nation’s lifestyle, tradition to others.
For example
, most of the luxurious coats are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
produced in France,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common clothes in every nation.
Besides
, the dependency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
has increased by this, resulting in deeper bonding between them. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a pair of Nike shoes,
for instance
, we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
Vietnamese and Pakistani
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, cultural exchange and closer connection are the results of items coming from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it may increase the unemployment rate of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the chances of its identity being
Possible spelling mistake. 'marginalised' is British English.
marginalised
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
producing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
create no working places for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As an illustration, the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no working opportunities in Nike as its operation runs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In addition
, citizens of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
become less inclined to reflect their tradition,
rather
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
culture if foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are more fascinating.
Thus
, workplaces lack and identity demolishes of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
due to this.

In conclusion
, we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to wearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, this creates a closer connection among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and inspires them to share their cultures. Considering both the sides, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, the benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
are far more than the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects it has.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many products that we buy are made in other countries. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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