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Many products that we buy are made in other countries. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v.1

Many products that we buy are made in other countries. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v. 1
It is observed that most of the items such as food, electronic devices and so on that we purchase are invented in other nations. While it helps to develop international business with those countries, I believe that it results in the devastation of local traders. The main advantage of buying other country's product is that it enhances the trade with an international organisation. By this way, the economy of the country will improve which helps the people to get a quality product. For example, most of the electronic items such as smart phone, tab, iPad are made in another country provides quality products and bought by most of the people. Despite this, I believe that the price of the item cannot be afforded by all the people and it may not worth for people in privileged status. As for the drawbacks are concerned, the predominant disadvantage is that it impacts the local businessperson. That is to say that they cannot compete with an international organisation. Also, people tend to buy the product based on the brand rather than local product and hence it will lead them to shut down their work. For instance, in India, most of the small scale and large scale business are closed due to the low sales of their products in the local market. However, in my opinion, it may lead to loss the job for more workers working for their own land and hence people should buy native items. In conclusion, although buying different nations product aid the country to have worldwide trade by providing quality product, it affects the inhabitants work by closing their business and hence people should get the products that are made in their homeland.
It
is observed
that most of the items such as food, electronic devices and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
are invented
in other nations. While it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to develop international business with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, I believe that it results in the devastation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
traders.

The main advantage of buying other country's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
is that it enhances the trade with an international
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. By this way, the economy of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
For example
, most of the electronic items such as smart phone, tab, iPad
are made
in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
provides quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Despite this, I believe that the price of the item cannot
be afforded
by all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it
The word 'worth' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
may not worth
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in privileged status.

As for the drawbacks
are concerned
, the predominant disadvantage is that it impacts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
businessperson.
That is
to say that they cannot compete with an international
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
based on the brand
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and
hence
it will lead them to shut down their work.
For instance
, in India, most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scale and large scale business
are closed
due to the low sales of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
market.
However
, in my opinion, it may lead to loss the job for more workers working for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
land and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
native items.

In conclusion
, although buying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "nations'" or "nation's"?
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
aid the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to have worldwide trade by providing quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, it affects the inhabitants work by closing their business and
hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that
are made
in their homeland.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many products that we buy are made in other countries. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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