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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. v. 3
An overwhelming number of people work for long hours which leaves them very few time for recreational activities. In my opinion, this has lots of drawbacks when compared to any minor benefits it might bring. Admittedly, if people work for long hours, it helps in their carrier progression as well as job prospects. In other words, since we have fierce competition in the job market, hardworking is inevitable for one to rise through ranks. Another point to consider is that working hard aids in the acquisition of desired skill which is required for a person to prove themselves to be an asset to the company. Therefore, people are offered not only incentives such as travel allowance but also fringe benefits like housing allowance and free medical insurance. Despite of the advantages mentioned above, I believe that instead of allocating some time for leisure activities if a person works for prolonged time, it brings lots of negative impacts. Firstly, constant work can result in burnout and affect our mental wellbeing. It is undeniable that people need to unwind from stress to become more productive. Secondly, people can turn their hobbies into useful skills. For instance, some interests such as photography or art offer a creative outlet. Finally, working hard will affect a person’s work/life balance and, therefore, blur the boundaries between personal and professional life. People would find it difficult to wind down at home as they work so hard. In conclusion, owing to the fact that recreational activities as well as free time are of paramount importance in a person’s life, negative impacts of people working hard for long time far outweighs any of the benefits it might bring.
An overwhelming number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long hours which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for recreational activities. In my opinion, this has lots of drawbacks when compared to any minor benefits it might bring.

Admittedly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long hours, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in their carrier progression
as well
as job prospects.
In other words
, since we have fierce competition in the job market, hardworking is inevitable for one to rise through ranks. Another point to consider is that working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
aids in the acquisition of desired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
which
is required
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to prove themselves to be an asset to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are offered
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
incentives such as travel allowance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
fringe benefits like housing allowance and free medical insurance.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the advantages mentioned above, I believe that
instead
of allocating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure activities if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
works for prolonged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it brings lots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.
Firstly
, constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can result in burnout and affect our mental
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
. It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to unwind from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
to become more productive.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can turn their hobbies into useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
interests such as photography or art offer a creative outlet.
Finally
, working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
will affect a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
work/life balance and,
therefore
, blur the boundaries between personal and professional life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
would find it difficult to wind down at home as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

In conclusion
, owing to the fact that recreational activities
as well
as free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are of paramount importance in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
far outweighs any of the benefits it might bring.
19Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant example from your own knowledge or experience. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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