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Directors of large companies often receive much bigger salary increases than ordinary workers. Employers' organisations say that in a global market this is necessary to attract the best management talent. What are your views? v.2

Directors of large companies often receive much bigger salary increases than ordinary workers. Employers' organisations say that in a global market this is necessary to attract the best management talent. What are your views? v. 2
Clearly, management employees at organizations receive a bigger rise in salary than ordinary ones. Some people claim that this is imminent in attracting best skilled management workers. Personally, I think that such increase in salary is acceptable if a job position is worth it. However, it can also offend experts, who work at ordinary jobs. Accordingly, this essay will include arguments behind my standpoint. On the one hand, the value off usual workers is essential in an organization, because it is their works that will be offered and sold to customers. That is why, one should heed their salary to be reasonably high prior to what their job is and how they work. Otherwise, quality of the company' s product reduces and it may lose consumers and brand name. For example, an underpaid worker is less willing to do his best in job. Moreover, noticeably less increase in salary discriminates and offends common, but expert labors. Consequently, these employees resign and employers would have to hire less-experienced individuals, which would negatively result in quality. On the contrary, the success of an organization to reach its aims is contingent to managers' talents and skills. A good example is ArsDigita, which was successful startup in web development industry, but because of lack of experienced management executives, plenty of people faced loss in 2000. So, employers need experts in management, since managers' value is core in the business and they have more duties that ordinary workers. Correspondingly, it is important to provide bigger salary for them. When they are satisfied with their income, they put more effort on their job to meet employer demands and to boost effectiveness of a company to reach success. Consequently, the company succeeds in business and flourishes as a result of proper payment for managers' job. To summarize, some assumptions of people considering higher growth in salaries of managers to be relevant is accepted in any company. In addition, the importance of managers' job makes it sure that they should not be underpaid.
Clearly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
employees at organizations receive a bigger rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
than ordinary ones.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that this is imminent in
A determiner is probably missing here: "attracting the best".
attracting best
skilled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that such increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is acceptable if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position is worth it.
However
, it can
also
offend experts, who work at ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Accordingly
, this essay will include arguments behind my standpoint.

On the one hand, the value off usual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
is essential in an organization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is their works that will
be offered
and sold to customers.
That is
why, one should heed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
to be
reasonably
high prior to what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is and how they work.
Otherwise
, quality of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
company&
#039; s product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
and it may lose consumers and brand name.
For example
, an underpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
is less willing to do his best in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Moreover
,
noticeably
less increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
discriminates and offends common,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
expert labors.
Consequently
, these employees resign and employers would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
hire less-experienced individuals, which would
negatively
result in quality.

On the contrary
, the success of an organization to reach its aims is contingent to
Possible spelling mistake found.
managers&
#039; talents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is
Possible spelling mistake found.
ArsDigita
, which was successful startup in web development industry,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
executives,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
faced loss in 2000.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, employers need experts in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
management
, since
Possible spelling mistake found.
managers&
#039; value is core in the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
business and
they have more duties that ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
Correspondingly
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to provide bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
for them. When they
are satisfied
with their income, they put more effort on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
employer demands and to boost effectiveness of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to reach success.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
succeeds in business and flourishes
as a result
of proper payment for
Possible spelling mistake found.
managers&
#039; job.

To summarize
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
assumptions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
considering higher growth in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
managers
to be relevant is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
.
In addition
, the importance of
Possible spelling mistake found.
managers&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it sure that they should not be underpaid.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Directors of large companies often receive much bigger salary increases than ordinary workers. Employers' organisations say that in a global market this is necessary to attract the best management talent. What are your views? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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