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Some people believe that restoration of old building costs too much. We should demolish them and build new one instead. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that restoration of old building costs too much. We should demolish them and build new one instead. v. 1
Some people subscribe to the belief that maintaining historical buildings is considerably expensive. These interpretations can provide the government with insights into the importance of demolishing them and constructing a new one. I, however, completely disagree with the given statement on the basis of a number of compelling reasons. Firstly, the most axiomatic reason is that historical buildings lay the foundation for the reality of our predecessors' customs, lifestyle and traditions in the level of the globe. To put it another way, it seems to be vital to keep our traditions alive in term of cultural identity and such buildings are the obvious indicators as our norms, constraints and the way of living of our past generation. Furthermore, most of these historical sites are likely to be accounted for cultural heritage and a myriad of tourists flock to those places yearly as a tourism destination. A good illustration of this is clearly delineated by Ameri's house located in the Yazd Province which attracts tourists regularly. Secondly, another factor which firmly endorses the viewpoint that the old houses should be preserved is that demolition such buildings are bound to be imposed deleterious effects on artistic considerations. That is to say, architecture is the simplest and purest form of the art which can depict the tradition of our culture. If the historical buildings, destroy or inflict on damage, the architects are not able to draw their inspiration from our customs passed through generations. Also, preserving the old building place a great emphasis on cultural diversity in various part of the country. Thus historical constructions play a pivotal role in recalling the history and unifying of cultural diversity. To conclude, I personally take the view that the old buildings should not be distracted or damaged because these constructions are of strong roots in our traditions as well as account for an inspirational resource for artists and architects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
subscribe to the belief that maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
is
considerably
expensive. These interpretations can provide the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
with insights into the importance of demolishing them and constructing a new one. I,
however
, completely disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement on the basis of a number of compelling reasons.

Firstly
, the most axiomatic reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
lay the foundation for the reality of our predecessors' customs, lifestyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
in the level of the globe. To put it another way, it seems to be vital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
alive in term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity and such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are the obvious indicators as our norms, constraints and the way of living of our past generation.
Furthermore
, most of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
sites are likely to
be accounted
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
heritage and a myriad of tourists
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "flocks"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'flock' is not always incorrect.)
flock
to those places yearly as a tourism destination. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is
clearly
delineated by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ameri
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
located in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Yazd
Province which attracts tourists
regularly
.

Secondly
, another factor which
firmly
endorses the viewpoint that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
should
be preserved
is that demolition such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
are bound
to
be imposed
deleterious effects on artistic considerations.
That is
to say, architecture is the simplest and purest form of the art which can depict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tradition
of our culture. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
or inflict on damage, the architects are not able to draw their inspiration from our customs passed through generations.
Also
, preserving the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
place a great emphasis on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
diversity in various part of the country.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
constructions play a pivotal role in recalling the history and unifying of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
diversity.

To conclude
, I
personally
take the view that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
should not
be distracted
or damaged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these constructions are of strong roots in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
as well
as account for an inspirational resource for artists and architects.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that restoration of old building costs too much. We should demolish them and build new one instead. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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