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Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. v. 3
Nature is the mother, origin and root of everything. Everything is part of nature and the humankind is not an exception for that. Yet, we, mankind, have a distinctive difference with other parts of nature, the capability of thinking or so-called “Rationale”. This ability sometimes leads to cruel actions, for example, neglecting ill or old people. Nowadays, some people engaged in a debate that is involving healthy people and those who are sick and ill. In greater detail, the discussion is on the subject of spending money for normal and healthy people instead of taking care of ill people. In the following, reasons and examples are stated about this debate. Every person has heard this proverb: ”Preventing is cheaper than cure”. This generates a theory which one of its basis is leaving ill people and focusing on future. Actually, it is a rule of nature that weak should be killed. At first sight, it is true but when you look at it from above it is an absolutely wrong rule. A life cycle of a person consists of birth, childhood, youth, growing old and eventually death. Considering the topic of our essay, being old or ill is associated with diseases. It is nature of oldness. On the whole, ill people, whether they are old or not, shouldn’t be evaluated by their health status. History is a great witness & supports for this fact, for example, “Steven Hawking”, the great scientist of physics. He could not even move his fingers but contributed to the significant developments in the world. On the other hand, a person is not just body and physic. Everybody has a soul, memory and feelings. When we intend to forget them and just considering future, thinking with regards to spending and saving money for next generation and future, this origin a great harm to unhealthy people. To sum up, it can be argued that, we, humans, shouldn’t care just about pleasant and apparently right people and occasions. Ill people are like us. They feel, enjoy and think. They should have behaved  well and considered via spending money or paying attention to them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Nature
is the mother, origin and root of everything. Everything is part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
and the humankind is not an exception for that.
Yet
, we, mankind, have a distinctive difference with other parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
, the capability of thinking or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called “Rationale”. This ability
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
leads to cruel actions,
for example
, neglecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
engaged in a debate that
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is involving
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and those who are sick and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
. In greater detail, the discussion is on the subject of spending money for normal and healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In the following, reasons and examples
are stated
about this debate.

Every person has heard this proverb:
There should be a space after a closing quote.
”Preventing
is cheaper than cure”. This generates a theory which one of its basis is leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and focusing on future. Actually, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
that weak should
be killed
. At
first
sight, it is true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when you look at it from above it is an
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
. A life cycle of a person consists of birth, childhood, youth, growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
and
eventually
death. Considering the topic of our essay, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
is associated
with diseases. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nature
of oldness.
On the whole
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whether they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
or not, shouldn’t
be evaluated
by their health status. History is a great witness & supports for this fact,
for example
, “Steven Hawking”, the great scientist of physics. He could not even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
his fingers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
contributed to the significant developments in the world.

On the other hand
, a person is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
body and physic. Everybody has a soul, memory and feelings. When we intend to forget them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
considering future, thinking
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
with regards to
spending and saving money for
next
generation and future, this origin a great harm to unhealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To sum up, it can
be argued
that, we, humans, shouldn’t care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
about pleasant and
apparently
right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and occasions.
Did you mean "I'll"?
Ill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are like us. They feel, enjoy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
. They should have behaved
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
well and considered via spending money or paying attention to them.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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