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Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. v. 2
Health funds are always included in every country's national budget since the early stages of the world. Every year the government has allocated a lot of money for the prevention and cure of the public most common diseases. It is agreed that spending public money to promote a healthy lifestyle for the prevention of illnesses is more importantly than for the treatment of already ill people. This argument will be proven that prevention is better than cure, and already ill people are expected to be at their terminal life. For one, spending state funds on promoting a healthy lifestyle to prevent illnesses is better because prevention is better than cure. For instance, when I was working as an RHU (Rural Health Unit) nurse in a small community called San Pablo situated in the province of Pangasinan in the Philippines; we disseminated multivitamins and done vaccinations for children in the area because our government had a program called "Eliminate Diseases by Prevention", so we, as health officials and workers implemented it. It is actually a good campaign because no children in that particular community have had serious children diseases. Thus, they became healthier and the public money has been used wisely. In addition to this, it is no sense using the people's money for those who are already ill because it is expected that they will be at their terminal life. For instance, in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) of Urdaneta Sacred Heart Hospital where I am currently assigned to a hospital as a duty nurse, we have a terminally ill colon cancer patient, Mrs Corazon Cojuanco. When she is in her final stage and any further medications or treatments will not work in prolonging her life. So, cancer patients who are at their last stage, such as colon, lung or breast, should not be funded anymore because it is useless. It is really better to allocate the money for the promotion of healthy lifestyles. In conclusion, spending more public money on a healthier lifestyle is better because prevention is always better than treating an already ill patient as well as it is no sense using it because they are already at their terminal stage of their life. Thus, it has proven that it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. Thus, improving healthy lifestyles is highly recommended.
Health funds are always included in every country's national budget since the early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stages
of the world. Every year the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has allocated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
and cure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
most common diseases. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to promote a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
of illnesses is more
importantly
than for the treatment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This argument will
be proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than cure, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to be at their terminal life.

For one, spending state funds on promoting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illnesses is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than cure.
For instance
, when I was working as an
Possible spelling mistake found.
RHU
(Rural Health Unit) nurse in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
community called San Pablo situated in the province of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pangasinan
in the Philippines; we disseminated multivitamins and done vaccinations for children in the area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had a program called
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Eliminate Diseases by Prevention
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we, as health officials and workers implemented it. It is actually a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
campaign
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no children in that particular community have had serious children diseases.
Thus
, they became healthier and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
.

In addition
to this, it is no sense using the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for those who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that they will be at their terminal life.
For instance
, in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit) of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Urdaneta
Sacred Heart Hospital where I am
currently
assigned to a hospital as a duty nurse, we have a
terminally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
colon cancer patient, Mrs
Possible spelling mistake found.
Corazon
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cojuanco
. When she is in her final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
and any
further
medications or treatments will not work in prolonging her life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, cancer patients who are at their last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
, such as colon, lung or breast, should not
be funded
anymore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is useless. It is
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to allocate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyles.

In conclusion
, spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on a healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prevention
is always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than treating an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
patient
as well
as it is no sense using it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
already
at their terminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stage
of their life.
Thus
, it has proven that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on promoting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
illness than to spend it on the treatment for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ill
.
Thus
, improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
is
highly
recommended.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is more important to spend public money on promoting a healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment for people who are already ill. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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