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Many people join distance-learning program and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people join distance-learning program and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. v. 1
It is true that due to the significant advancements in the field of technology, many people are studying at home through online programs and similar facilities. Nevertheless, some claim that this trend is unable to result in as much advantages as attending educational institutes. I strongly agree with this idea, as I will opine the reasons for my support in this essay. Firstly, students who are involved in distance learning programs are often isolated. To begin with, it is commonly known that adolescents interact with their peers at schools and universities on a daily basis, which therefore benefit from each other’s knowledge, skills and talents. Moreover, many pupils enrolled in extra-curricular activities, and this enable them to become more socialized. This was evidenced in a recent research conducted at the “University of Oxford”, ensuring that youngsters who attended school in their childhood had chosen domains in the universities that require the person to be an extrovert. Secondly, teachers and professors in the educational institutes are highly experienced and are aware of the students’ needs. In fact, all individuals were born with distinct mental abilities, and for this reason, educators are able to modify the lessons and the way of teaching according to the background of each student. Furthermore, tutors supply them with motivations, which is an essential factor for academic success. To illustrate, it was proved psychologically that instant encouragement from teachers stimulate pupils to obtain better results, even if they dislike the subject. In conclusion, it is indisputable that there is a plethora of alternatives for colleges and universities. However, I believe that the interaction with other classmates accompanied by a reasonable curriculum and constant motivations are the key factors to bring up a skilled and well- educated generation.
It is true that due to the significant advancements in the field of technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are studying at home through online programs and similar facilities.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that this trend is unable to result in as
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
advantages as attending educational institutes. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, as I will opine the reasons for my support in this essay.

Firstly
, students who
are involved
in distance learning programs are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
isolated. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
commonly
known that adolescents interact with their peers at schools and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
on a daily basis, which
therefore
benefit from each other’s knowledge,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and talents.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pupils enrolled in extra-curricular activities, and
The verb 'enable' is plural. Did you mean: "this enables"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this enable
them to become more socialized. This
was evidenced
in a recent research conducted at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“University
of Oxford”, ensuring that youngsters who attended school in their childhood had chosen domains in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
that require the person to be an extrovert.

Secondly
, teachers and professors in the educational institutes are
highly
experienced and are aware of the students’ needs. In fact, all individuals
were born
with distinct mental abilities, and
for this reason
, educators are able to modify the lessons and the way of teaching according to the background of each student.
Furthermore
, tutors supply them with motivations, which is an essential factor for academic success. To illustrate, it
was proved
psychologically
that instant encouragement from teachers stimulate pupils to obtain better results, even if they dislike the subject.

In conclusion
, it is indisputable that there is a plethora of alternatives for colleges and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
However
, I believe that the interaction with other classmates accompanied by a reasonable curriculum and constant motivations are the key factors to bring up a skilled and well- educated generation.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people join distance-learning program and study at home, but some people think that it cannot bring the same benefit as attending colleges or universities does. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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