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Many people try to look younger than their age. what are the causes people do this? Do you think is a good thing or bad thing? v.8

Many people try to look younger than their age. what are the causes people do this? Do you think is a good thing or bad thing? v. 8
There is no iota of doubt that, these days a huge number of people prefer trade meetings and employment training online. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to people. Sometimes a couple of problems emerge due to the same. The following paragraphs would cast light on the pros and cons of the development. To begin with the bright side, there are some benefits of conducting business meetings and training online. One advantage is that it reduces the cost of travelling. Since these meetings are taking place online without any need to commute anywhere, it assists in saving the cost of transportation and time. For instance, KPMG, a financial consultancy firm in Dhaka, regularly conducts field training for its personnel to regularly update themselves with new laws and schemes passed by the Bangladesh government. On the flip side of the coin, there are a handful of nasty consequences as well, people can face serious drawbacks from holding work meetings and training online. The first and foremost, conducting business meetings and training is dependent on continuous good internet speed and any disruption will affect the flow of the meeting, resulting in unsuccessful or wastage of time for staff members. For instance, according to a recent survey by MoneyKing, come from developing countries in western Asia, 65% of meetings conducted online were unsuccessful due to bad internet connectivity. To conclude, In my perspective, unsuccessful in developing teamwork among staff members and disturbance due to periodic internet connectivity far outweigh any of the minor advantages. The demerits outweigh merits. However, efforts should be made to minimize the latter one.
There is no iota of doubt that, these days a huge number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer trade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. This phenomenon is offering multifarious benefits to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
a couple of problems
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "emerges"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'emerge' is not always incorrect.)
emerge
due to the same. The following paragraphs would cast light on the pros and cons of the development.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with the bright side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits of conducting business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. One advantage is that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the cost of travelling. Since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
are taking place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
without any need to commute anywhere, it assists in saving the cost of transportation and time.
For instance
, KPMG, a financial consultancy firm in Dhaka,
regularly
conducts field
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
for its personnel to
regularly
update themselves with new laws and schemes passed by the Bangladesh
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

On the flip side of the coin, there are a
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "handfuls", "handsful"?
handful
of nasty consequences
as well
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can face serious drawbacks from holding work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. The
first
and foremost, conducting business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
is dependent on continuous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
internet speed and any disruption will affect the flow of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
, resulting in unsuccessful or wastage of time for staff members.
For instance
, according to a recent survey by
Possible spelling mistake found.
MoneyKing
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
western Asia
, 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
conducted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
were unsuccessful due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
internet connectivity.

To conclude
, In my perspective, unsuccessful in developing teamwork among staff members and disturbance due to periodic internet connectivity far outweigh any of the minor advantages. The demerits outweigh merits.
However
, efforts should
be made
to minimize the latter one.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Many people try to look younger than their age. what are the causes people do this? Do you think is a good thing or bad thing? v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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