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Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think it is a good thing or a bad thing? v.1

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think it is a good thing or a bad thing? v. 1
Anti-aging products and several beauty treatments are really popular nowadays. The reason is so many people, especially women in their 30s, avoid to look older. I believe this trend has both advantages and disadvantages. This essay will explain both point of views related to it. First and foremost, who are not afraid of imagining our skin looses its elasticity and furthermore form wrinkles on facial areas? As we are getting older, it is certain that our metabolism will get slower. Unfortunately, there is no way for us to stop this biological process. We just can make an effort to slow down the aging process by several ways. For example, some people do the skin care routine by using products contained astaxanthin and retinoic acid. Those products maintain the skin elasticity and make it look younger. In one hand, it can be beneficial if we only use the proper treatment suggested by professionals, dermatologists in this case. However, there are so many cases people cannot afford to consult to a dermatologist and buy high-quality skin care products. They end up trying dangerous surgeries conducted by a non-professional who offers doing procedures with lower price and can give instantaneous result. For instance, some women do the botox injection in an unlicensed beauty salon. This can ruin their hormone system in the long run or in worst case it can cause a direct fatal effect. To conclude, I believe there is nothing wrong with people want to look younger as long as they follow a proper and healthy procedures. If someone only cares about finding a lower-price treatment without considering its safety, it will cause a problem. So, in my opinion, this phenomenon has both good and bad impacts depends on how people concern about their safety in the first place and trust the long-term process instead of craving for something that can provide an instant result.
Anti-aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and several beauty treatments are
really
popular nowadays. The reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
women in their 30s, avoid to look older. I believe this trend has both advantages and disadvantages. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
both point of views related to it.

First
and foremost, who are not afraid of imagining our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
looses its elasticity and
furthermore
form wrinkles on facial areas? As we are getting older, it is certain that our metabolism will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
slower. Unfortunately, there is no way for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this biological process. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an effort to slow down the aging process by several ways.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
care routine by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
contained
Possible spelling mistake found.
astaxanthin
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
retinoic
acid. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
maintain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
elasticity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it look younger.

In one hand, it can be beneficial if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the proper treatment suggested by professionals, dermatologists
in this case
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford to consult to a dermatologist and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skin
care
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up trying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
surgeries conducted by a non-professional who offers doing procedures with lower price and can give instantaneous result.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
women do the
Possible spelling mistake found.
botox
injection in an unlicensed beauty salon. This can ruin their hormone system in the long run or in
A determiner is probably missing here: "the worst".
worst
case it can cause a direct fatal effect.

To conclude
, I believe there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to look younger as long as they follow a proper and healthy procedures. If someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
cares about finding a lower-price treatment without considering its safety, it will cause a problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my opinion, this phenomenon has both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts depends on how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concern about their safety in the
first
place and trust the long-term process
instead
of craving for something that can provide an instant result.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Many people try to look younger than their age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think it is a good thing or a bad thing? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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