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Many people try to look younger than their age. What are reasons people do this? Do think this is a good thing or bad thing? v.19

Many people try to look younger than their age. What are reasons people do this? Do think this is a good thing or bad thing? v. 19
In the contemporary society, it has become more and more popular among individuals to give an effort in order to look younger compared to their age. In this essay, I will elaborate on the reasons behind the tendency and I will demonstrate positive points which belong to this trend. To begin with, the first and perhaps the most significant reason is current workplaces need the people who have younger looks and well-formed employees rather than old ones. In order to find the work easily at convenience organizations, job hopers tend to try to change their appearance to looking younger age. Another possible reason is individuals crave to be owner of more attention among people. For this reason, they can attract somebody’s attention much more by rejuvenation. For example, women always devote their time on looking younger to be beloved their husbands. In my opinion, looking younger demonstrates beneficial character for people. Firstly, it assist to find good job, admittedly, employers look for young individuals to give a work. For example, the field of service such as reception at organization, stewardess and others need younger employees than aged people. Secondly, people do some sport activities in order to be slim so it strengthens their health. Finally, by looking young, people might be beautiful or slim and these kinds of people are encouraged to do work efficiently. Taking everything into consideration, there are a number of reasons for being younger among people and from my standpoint, it can bring useful contribution to their life.
In the contemporary society, it has become more and more popular among individuals to give an effort in order to look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
compared to their age. In this essay, I will elaborate on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
behind the tendency and I will demonstrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
points which belong to this trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
first
and perhaps the most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
workplaces need the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
looks and well-formed employees
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones. In order to find the work
easily
at convenience organizations, job
Possible spelling mistake found.
hopers
tend to try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their appearance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
age. Another possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is individuals crave to be owner of more attention among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, they can attract somebody’s attention much more by rejuvenation.
For example
, women always devote their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
to
be beloved
their husbands.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
demonstrates beneficial character for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, it
Did you mean "assists"?
assist
to find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job,
admittedly
, employers look for young individuals to give a work.
For example
, the field of service such as reception at organization, stewardess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
employees than aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sport activities in order to be slim
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it strengthens their health.
Finally
, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
looking
young,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
or slim and these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are encouraged
to do work
efficiently
.

Taking everything into consideration, there are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and from my standpoint, it can bring useful contribution to their life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people try to look younger than their age. What are reasons people do this? Do think this is a good thing or bad thing? v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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