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Studies have suggested that nowadays children much more television than they did in the past and spent less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or cre v.2

Studies have suggested that nowadays children much more television than they did in the past and spent less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or cre v. 2
In many societies these days, people concerned about children are spending their excessive amount of time on watching TV compared to their peers in the past. There are several reasons behind the problem and it must tackle some feasible actions. The most and perhaps the significant reason is that children’s television programmes become more and more attractive with their vivid and colorful animations. For example, Cartoon Network and Disney Channel companies are demonstrating their up-to-date cartoons which involve diverse actions and lovely views. Another possible reason is that parents nowadays occupied on their works and activities so that they crave children to focus on watching TV. Because it does not require much of their attention and they are able to do their works. A number of define actions could be taken to mitigate the problem. The first obvious solution is that the fixed operating time which children spend on watching television should be controlled by parents. Another effective way to improve the current situation is to engage children with interesting and creative outdoor activities. For instance, sport games which hold in family sport team such as chess, football and others may assist to not lose the time in front of television screen. Taking everything into consideration, there are worrying trend that children spend huge amount of their time on watching TV due to lack of parents’ attention or series of animations are on TV. A number of measures which were aforementioned above must be implemented to alleviate this distressing situation.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies these days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
concerned about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are spending their excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching TV compared to their peers in the past. There are several reasons behind the problem and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
tackle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible actions.

The most and perhaps the significant reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
become more and more attractive with their vivid and colorful animations.
For example
, Cartoon Network and Disney Channel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are demonstrating their up-to-date cartoons which involve diverse actions and lovely views. Another possible reason is that parents nowadays occupied on their works and activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they crave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to focus on watching TV.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it does not require much of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attention and
they are able to do their works.

A number of define actions could
be taken
to mitigate the problem. The
first
obvious solution is that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
operating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend on watching television should
be controlled
by parents. Another effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation is to engage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with interesting and creative outdoor activities.
For instance
, sport games which hold in family sport team such as chess, football
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
may assist to not lose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of television screen.

Taking everything into consideration, there are worrying trend that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend huge amount of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on watching TV due to lack of parents’ attention or series of animations are on TV. A number of measures which
were aforementioned
above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be implemented
to alleviate this distressing situation.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Studies have suggested that nowadays children much more television than they did in the past and spent less time on active or creative things. What are the reasons and what measures should be taken to encourage children to spend more time on active or cre v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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