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Many people try to look younger than their actual age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think it is a good thing or a bad thing v.1

Many people try to look younger than their actual age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think it is a good thing or a bad thing v. 1
Aging has become a serious concern for many people and they strive to hide their real age and look younger. It is primarily due to the isolation and being identified as weak member of the society. In my opinion, this is a negative trend because people use chemicals to look younger, and these chemicals can be harmful to their health. Firstly, one of the major factors responsible for this phenomenon is to avoid isolation. When people become old, they struggle in making new friends, and they are only limited to their family. Young individuals are reluctant to become their friends because they follow a strict diet, and their body is weak to participate in sports or other activities. Take for example, In Pakistan, 70% of people above 60 years of age are suffering from heart or kidney diseases and are following a strict diet. Further to that, old people are identified as weak members of the society. People don’t prefer to be considered as weak and to rely on the support of others. Although individuals cannot alter their aging, they try to look younger and prefer to be labelled as strong individuals. Take for example, In Pakistan, after being 50 years old, people start using commercial products to look younger like hair colors, wrinkle creams etc. To conclude, increasing age brings problems like isolation and being labelled as weak for individuals and they often try various techniques to look younger and avoid these problems. It is a negative trend because people use different commercial products in their struggle to look younger, and these products can be hazardous to their health.
Aging has become a serious concern for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
people and
they strive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
their real age and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
. It is
primarily
due to the isolation and
being identified
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weak
member of the society. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
chemicals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
, and these chemicals can be harmful to their health.

Firstly
, one of the major factors responsible for this phenomenon is to avoid isolation. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, they struggle in making new friends, and they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited to their family. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are reluctant to become their friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they follow a strict diet, and their body is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weak
to participate in sports or other activities. Take
for example
, In Pakistan, 70% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
above 60 years of age are suffering from heart or kidney diseases and are following a strict diet.

Further
to that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are identified
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weak
members of the society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
don’t prefer to
be considered
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weak
and to rely on the support of others. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
cannot alter their aging, they try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
and prefer to
be labelled
as strong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. Take
for example
, In Pakistan, after being 50 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
using commercial products to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
like hair colors, wrinkle creams etc.

To conclude
, increasing age brings problems like isolation and
being labelled
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weak
for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
individuals and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
try various techniques to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
and avoid these problems. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
commercial products in their struggle to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
look
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
, and these products can be hazardous to their health.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people try to look younger than their actual age. What are the reasons people do this? Do you think it is a good thing or a bad thing v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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