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Many people today prefer socializing online to that in the local community, do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Many people today prefer socializing online to that in the local community, do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
The critical development of the Internet and social media platforms are crucial, yet arguments about this alternation seem to not be ceased. In fact, many believe that this growth is unfavourable, of which I second. On the one hand, socializing online provides convenience and reduces cost and time. Connecting through the Internet is accessible and simple to all individuals irrespective of their social status and finance. Moreover, social media eliminates geographical boundaries. As a result, people prefer this method because they cannot afford the time and effort to perform traditional communication. For instance, a student who is studying abroad cannot travel back and forth on a daily basis to reconnect with his family. With the help of the Internet, this person can see and talk to their relatives on a regular basis. However, this method creates distance and unqualified communication skills. Even though as mentioned, the Internet minimizes geographical barrier, it generates mental barriers. In a gathering, people are rather getting distracted by their phones than orally interacting, which eventually leads to a destructive relationship. As this goes on, individuals isolated themselves and became different person compares to the one on social medias, numb and emotionless. Moreover, children and teenagers nowadays, with the overuse of online socialization, are not able to communicate properly. It is witnessed that many are failing interviews and job opportunities because they cannot talk and express themselves face to face, which leads to a society of unskilled and incompetent workers. In conclusion, the Internet plays a substantial role in life and this advancement is indispensable. However, the excessive growth of this platform is producing a generation of unqualified and dependable individuals, which will be disadvantageous for the society.
The critical development of the Internet and
social
media platforms are crucial,
yet
arguments about this alternation seem to not
be ceased
. In fact,
many
believe that this growth is
unfavourable
, of which I second.

On the one hand, socializing online provides convenience and
reduces
cost and time. Connecting through the Internet is accessible and simple to all individuals irrespective of their
social
status and finance.
Moreover
,
social
media eliminates geographical boundaries.
As a result
,
people
prefer this method
because
they cannot afford the time and effort to perform traditional communication.
For instance
, a student who is studying abroad cannot travel back and forth on a daily basis to reconnect with his family. With the
help
of the Internet, this person can
see
and talk to their relatives on a regular basis.

However
, this method creates distance and unqualified communication
skills
.
Even though
as mentioned, the Internet minimizes geographical barrier, it generates mental barriers. In a gathering,
people
are
rather
getting distracted by their phones than
orally
interacting, which
eventually
leads to a destructive relationship. As this goes on, individuals isolated themselves and became
different
person compares to the one on
social
medias, numb and emotionless.
Moreover
, children and
teenagers
nowadays, with the overuse of online socialization, are not able to communicate
properly
. It
is witnessed
that
many
are failing interviews and job opportunities
because
they cannot talk and express themselves face to face, which leads to a society of unskilled and incompetent workers.

In conclusion
, the Internet plays a substantial role in life and this advancement is indispensable.
However
, the excessive growth of this platform is producing a generation of unqualified and dependable individuals, which will be disadvantageous for the society.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people today prefer socializing online to that in the local community, do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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