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12. When you are together with your friends, which place would you like to go? Explain why. v.1

12. When you are together with your friends, which place would you like to go? Explain why. v. 1
Sleep is a very crucial part of life for every person, however, because of the busy lifestyle, modern people tend to sleep less than previous generations. This essay will explain why nowadays society gets fewer hours for sleeping and which consequences would be because of this tendency. Around the world, people sleep less than 6 hours than in the 20th century. One of the major causes of the preference to sleep less is making money. More often each person may hear the popular phrase "the time is money" which means that the more time you spend on earning money, the richer you can be. For instance, this is a well-known fact that we should sleep for at least 8 hours a day, in contrast, modern people increase their working hours and decrease the leisure hours. Additionally, the environment of continuous competitiveness and consumerism may exacerbate the problem. In spite of increasing the people's productivity, sleeplessness bears some serious for health consequences. Apathy, tiredness and fatigue always follows after it and, also, the immune system becomes less stable and decreases behind the viral diseases. After a long time of sleeplessness the person as capable to work employee becomes more oblivious and nervous, it exactly influences on his or her quality of work and relationships between staff. To conclude, the nowadays circumstances like overworking and rat racing for wealth may lead sleeplessness and its unhealthy effects. In its result, people exhaust themselves physically and emotionally that can affect on the business life and the mood in society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sleep
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial part of life for every person,
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the busy lifestyle, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than previous generations. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why nowadays society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for sleeping and which consequences would be
because of this
tendency.

Around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
than 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
than in the 20th century. One of the major causes of the preference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
is making money. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
each person may hear the popular phrase
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
the time is money
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
which means that the more time you spend on earning money, the richer you can be.
For instance
, this is a well-known fact that we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
for at least 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a day,
in contrast
, modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
increase their working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and decrease the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
Additionally
, the environment of continuous competitiveness and consumerism may exacerbate the problem.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
increasing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's productivity, sleeplessness bears
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious for health consequences. Apathy, tiredness and fatigue always follows after it and,
also
, the immune system becomes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
stable and decreases behind the viral diseases. After a long time of sleeplessness the person as capable to work employee becomes more oblivious and nervous, it exactly influences on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
quality of work and relationships between staff.

To conclude
, the nowadays circumstances like overworking and rat racing for wealth may lead sleeplessness and its unhealthy effects. In its result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exhaust themselves
physically
and
emotionally
that can
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the business life and the mood in society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 12. When you are together with your friends, which place would you like to go? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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