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Many people today are worried about young children using video games. What problems might these games cause, for children and society as a whole? How could these problems be reduced? v.3

Many people today are worried about young children using video games. What problems might these games cause, for children and society as a whole? How could these problems be reduced? v. 3
A large number of individuals are concerned about kids playing computer games. This essay will explain what are the problems of children playing virtual games and suggest possible solutions. With regards to the cardinal problems of computer games, an important one is that they reduce the physical activity of a child. This is because video games do not need any physical movement of body muscles, instead, a kid can sit-back and play with help of a remote controller. As a result, the child will not have body fitness and stamina. The possible alternative to this problem is to send kids to one of the sports activities such as swimming, tennis, basketball, and many other sports. Thereby, ensuring the kid is involved in regular exercise and stay healthy. Another pressing problem of computerized games is that they isolate a child from mingling with other offspring in the society. This is because they can play such games as a single player by staying at home rather than going to a playground and playing with others as a team. Accordingly, they will not learn the trait of teamwork, which can be acquired only by participating in group activities. The probable solution to this is to encourage participation of offspring in community sports tournaments as there will be other people from various communities. In conclusion, the vital problems of computer games are lack of physical fitness and bonding with other children in the society, while, these problems can be solved by involving kids in regular real sports and motivating them to participate in local community sports activities.
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
A large number of
individuals
are concerned
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
what are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of children playing virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and suggest possible solutions.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the cardinal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
of a child. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do not need any physical movement of body muscles,
instead
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
can sit-back and play with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of a remote controller.
As a result
, the child will not have body fitness and stamina. The possible alternative to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as swimming, tennis, basketball, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. Thereby, ensuring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
is involved
in regular exercise and stay healthy.

Another pressing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of computerized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is that they isolate a child from mingling with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
offspring in the society. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can play such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as a single player by staying at home
rather
than going to a playground and playing with others as a team.
Accordingly
, they will not learn the trait of teamwork, which can
be acquired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by participating in group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. The probable solution to this is to encourage participation of offspring in community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
tournaments as there will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from various communities.

In conclusion
, the vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are lack of physical fitness and bonding with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
children in the society, while, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be solved
by involving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in regular real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and motivating them to participate in local community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people today are worried about young children using video games. What problems might these games cause, for children and society as a whole? How could these problems be reduced? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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