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Many people today are worried about young children using video games. What problems might these games cause, for children and society as a whole? How could this problem reduced? v.1

Many people today are worried about young children using video games. What problems might these games cause, for children and society as a whole? How could this problem reduced? v. 1
Nowadays some parents corcern about young children because of their increasing addiction to visual games. Although these games have negative influences on children but it can be tackled by some measure. To begin with, digital games may cause various problems to their users, especially for youth. One of them it is sedentary lifestyle, which is also caused obesity. It require little physical activity that means children usually spend all day on the computer desk. Moreover, player of visual games at a young age may even face a loss of communication, which means video games do not allow children to interact with people as well as friends, family members. Finally, addiction visual games can bring a negative impact on their academic performance, it means playing a lot can lead to waste a lot of time, instead of playing visual games children tends to do their homework which is utmost important for young generation. As the result, children tends to face with more significant problems later on. However, there are some measures to tackle these issue. The viable solution for parents is to restrict gadgets and encourage their children being more physical active. It is better to play football instead of playing visual gadgets as well as PlayStation or X-Box. Another solution is that children should join in some additional classes such as math, English, which can help them to communicate and make friends. By acquiring these skills children will be more active in society. Furthermore, teachers should control children’s homework even if they do not complete their homeworks, teachers should penalize them or parents should ban playing games such as Warcraft, Counter-strike. This solution can lead to completing their assignment, children will be think what they are going to choose doing homework or playing visual games. To sum up, playing video games can be impact negatively on youth in terms of health, being sociable and interaction, these problems can be solved by various action, including physical activity, joining additional lessons and punishments.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents
Possible spelling mistake found.
corcern
about young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their increasing addiction to visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
be tackled
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measure.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
may cause various problems to their users,
especially
for youth. One of them it
Please check whether an article is missing: "is a sedentary" or "is an sedentary"
is sedentary
lifestyle, which is
also
caused obesity. It
Did you mean "requires"?
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
physical activity that means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
usually
spend all day on the computer desk.
Moreover
, player of visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at a young age may even face a loss of communication, which means video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to interact with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as well
as friends, family members.
Finally
, addiction visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can bring a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on their academic performance, it means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a lot can lead to waste
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time,
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tends to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
which is utmost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for young generation. As the result,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tends to face with more significant problems later on.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to tackle these issue.

The viable solution for parents is to restrict gadgets and encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being more physical active. It is better to play football
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
visual gadgets
as well
as PlayStation or X-Box. Another solution is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
additional classes such as math, English, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to communicate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends. By acquiring these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be more active in society.
Furthermore
, teachers should control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
even if they do not complete their
Possible spelling mistake found.
homeworks
, teachers should penalize them or parents should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as Warcraft, Counter-strike. This solution can lead to completing their assignment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be
Consider using a past participle here: "thought".
think
what they are going to choose doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
visual games.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be impact
negatively
on youth in terms of health, being sociable and interaction, these problems can
be solved
by various action, including physical activity, joining additional lessons and punishments.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people today are worried about young children using video games. What problems might these games cause, for children and society as a whole? How could this problem reduced? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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