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Many people today are worried about ‘cybercrime ’such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does ‘cybercrime’ cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and businesses to take? Give reasons for your answer, and provide ideas and examples from your own experience. v.1

Many people today are worried about ‘cybercrime ’such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does ‘cybercrime’ cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and businesses to take? v. 1
Cyber crime is a cause of widespread concern today, as so many people use technology to store and transmit sensitive data. There are a number of problems that people suffer as a result of these crimes, but also some straightforward measures we can take to protect ourselves. Perhaps the worst problem stemming from this is the financial impact. If someone has his or her bank account emptied, or has false credit lines created under their name, they are potentially liable for large sums of money. Even if they can avoid the consequences, their bank or finance company has to cover the losses, which can damage their performance. Further problem is the way in which these stolen funds are used to subsidize other crimes, such as drug distribution or even terrorism. Once the money enters the criminal networks, we have no way of knowing how it will be used. Finally, there is the problem of anxiety and stress caused to the innocent victims of these crimes. The initial shock is often followed by months or years or legal wrangling, paperwork and a sense of insecurity. Turning to possible solutions, probably the most effective measure is to improve personal security, ranging from passwords to the shredding of documents. This denies the criminals the raw materials to work with. Secondly, we should raise awareness of the risks among the elderly or the very young – two groups who are often specifically targeted – via publicity and public education. Ultimately, however, it is the financial companies who can make the greatest contribution, by increasing their security and detection systems – ideally in partnership with the police. Overall, the problems caused are both financial and social, and the solutions should involve coordinated action by individuals, corporations and the state.
Cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is a cause of widespread concern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technology to store and transmit sensitive data. There are a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suffer
as a result
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
straightforward measures we can take to protect ourselves.

Perhaps the worst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
stemming from this is the financial impact. If someone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
bank account emptied, or has false credit lines created under their name, they are
potentially
liable for large sums of money. Even if they can avoid the consequences, their bank or finance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
cover the losses, which can damage their performance.
Further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the way in which these stolen funds are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to subsidize other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, such as drug distribution or even terrorism. Once the money enters the criminal networks, we have no way of knowing how it will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Finally
, there is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of anxiety and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
caused to the innocent victims of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. The initial shock is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
followed by months or years or legal wrangling, paperwork and a sense of insecurity.

Turning to possible solutions,
probably
the most effective measure is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
personal security, ranging from passwords to the shredding of documents. This denies the criminals the raw materials to work with.
Secondly
, we should raise awareness of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
among the elderly or the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
two groups who are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
specifically
targeted
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
via publicity and public education.
Ultimately
,
however
, it is the financial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the greatest contribution, by increasing their security and detection systems
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
ideally
in partnership with the police.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
caused are both financial and social, and the solutions should involve coordinated action by individuals, corporations and the state.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people today are worried about ‘cybercrime ’such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does ‘cybercrime’ cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and businesses to take? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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