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Some people think that government should provide unemployed people with free mobile phone and free internet to help them find jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

Some people think that government should provide unemployed people with free mobile phone and free internet to help them find jobs. v. 1
One of today's most controversial problems relates to unemployment. Many people think that authority should provide free cell phone and internet for the unemployed to help them find a job. I absolutely disagree with this statement. Most people in our country today are unemployed and that is not good for us. Except for this, some people think it is very useful to find jobs because the government can provide free phones and internet for the unemployed. According to me, it's about if we are assured that if the authority offers services for the unemployed, they will only use it to find their jobs. In these days, mostly the unemployed one take narcotics in our country and also spoiling their future, when they misuse these technological devices in their daily life will become really dangerous for us. As far as, government is responsible for unemployed. Because they never provide jobs so, that's why some people take drugs because these types of people always have negative thinking, then then they feel depressed and that's why they are taking drugs. Furthermore, if authority provides free phones and internet for these people, they will advertise on the internet about drugs which is very haphazard for the human beings. In conclusion, authority should provide them jobs because if they have one, they will ignore about the bad behaviour in their minds and concentrate on their work.
One of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's most controversial problems relates to unemployment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
free cell phone and internet for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I
absolutely
disagree with this statement.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
and
that is
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for us.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Except for
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
free phones and internet for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, it's about if we
are assured
that if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
offers services for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to find their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. In these days,
mostly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
one take narcotics in our country and
also
spoiling their future, when they misuse these technological devices in their daily life will become
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for us.

As far as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
they never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, that's why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
thinking,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
then then
they feel depressed and that's why they are taking drugs.
Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
free phones and internet for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they will advertise on the internet about drugs which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
haphazard for the human beings.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
authority
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they have one, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in their minds and concentrate on their work.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that government should provide unemployed people with free mobile phone and free internet to help them find jobs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
231 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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