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Many people are worried about cyber crime and identity theft. What kinds of problems is it causing? What can be done to solve this problem? v.1

Many people are worried about cyber crime and identity theft. What kinds of problems is it causing? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1
Nowadays, cyber hacking and identity theft are causing a large population to worry about their online security. This is happening when more people are using online banking and electronic payment systems for both personal and business purposes. Although this can post a big problem for individuals and businesses alike, there are steps that can be taken to safeguard their personal identity and minimize the threats of becoming a victim of cybercrime. I will mention some of the common problems are being caused by this type of criminal activities. I will also examine several precautions that people can take to make their online activities safer. Cybercrime can happen in many ways, such as scam emails or scam phone calls tricking people to believe that their bank accounts have been compromised and try to get respondents to disclose their personal information, including but not limited to, their date of birth and online passwords. If people fall for this type of cyber crime, they can stand to lose a lot of money because the criminals will use the information gained to withdraw money from the victim's bank account. Another type of cyber crime is through the use of various methods to gain access to business databases where sensitive and confidential business and customer's information are being stored. There have been many cases that big corporations have their database system hacked into and millions of customer information have been stolen. With this confidential personal information, criminals can inflict a lot of financial damage to people, like getting credit cards with the victim's information, getting bank loan under the victim's identity. All these types of criminal activities are causing people to lose confidence in online banking and business activities meanwhile both governments and businesses are trying to convince people to rely on their online systems more than ever before. Many multi-national corporations had been fined for big amount of money for failing to protect their customers' information from cyber hackers. This type of cybercrime has been causing business a lot of money, not only in the fines that they need pay, but also the huge amount of money that they have to invest in cyber-security to protect their electronic information. Undoubtedly, this kind of cybercrime is very damaging and wide spreading, there are many steps that can be taken to make it more difficult for these cyber criminals to success. One of the easiest steps is to make your online passwords more difficult for other people to guess, for example, never use your own names or birthdays as your passwords. Alternatively, people should make it as a habit to change their online passwords on a regular basis. Most importantly, people should always verify that the emails and/or phone calls that are demanding the disclosure of their personal information are legit. Furthermore, It is always a better idea to either call back to your bank's or business's published phone number to make sure that you talk to the right officials before giving away any information. Ultimately, businesses should also do a better job in building a stronger and more robust online security system to protect their customers' personal information. In conclusion, cybercrime hacking and identity theft may be happening more often than people would like, but it can certainly be prevented with proper public education and people treating their personal information more carefully.
Nowadays,
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cyber
hacking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
theft are causing a large population to worry about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
security. This is happening when more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using
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online
banking and electronic payment
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systems
for both
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personal
and
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business
purposes. Although this can post a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem for individuals and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
alike, there are steps that can
be taken
to safeguard their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
and minimize the threats of becoming a victim of cybercrime. I will mention
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
common problems are
being caused
by this
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type
of
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criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. I will
also
examine several precautions that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
safer.

Cybercrime can happen in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways, such as scam emails or scam phone calls tricking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to believe that their bank accounts have
been compromised
and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
respondents to disclose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not limited to, their date of birth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passwords
. If
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people
fall for this
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type
of
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cyber
crime, they can stand to lose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
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money
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because
the
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criminals
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
gained to withdraw
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from the victim's bank account. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cyber
crime is through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of various methods to gain access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
databases where sensitive and confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and customer's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
are
being stored
. There have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporations have their database
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
hacked into and millions of customer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
have
been stolen
. With this confidential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
,
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criminals
can inflict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
financial damage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, like getting credit cards with the victim's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, getting bank loan under the victim's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
. All these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lose confidence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
banking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
meanwhile both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are trying to convince
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
more than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
multi-national corporations had
been fined
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for failing to protect their customers'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cyber
hackers. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of cybercrime has been causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the fines that they need pay,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest in cyber-security to protect their electronic information.

Undoubtedly
, this kind of cybercrime is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
damaging and wide spreading, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
steps that can
be taken
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it more difficult for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cyber
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to success. One of the easiest steps is to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passwords
more difficult for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to guess,
for example
, never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
names or birthdays as your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passwords
.
Alternatively
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it as a habit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passwords
on a regular basis. Most
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should always verify that the emails and/or phone calls that are demanding the disclosure of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
are legit.
Furthermore
, It is always a better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to either call back to your bank's or business's published phone number to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure that you talk to the right officials
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
giving away any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Ultimately
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
should
also
do a better job in building a stronger and more robust
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
security
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
to protect their customers'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information.

In conclusion
, cybercrime hacking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
identity
theft may be happening more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would like,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can
certainly
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
with proper public education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
treating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
more
carefully
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
87Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people are worried about cyber crime and identity theft. What kinds of problems is it causing? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
557 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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