Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people feel that urban environments are more unhealthy than they have ever been. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What measures can be effective in tackling this problem? v.1

Many people feel that urban environments are more unhealthy than they have ever been. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What measures can be effective in tackling this problem? v. 1
There is no doubt that the structure of immense cities has dramatically changed in recent centuries, which resulted from the industrialization and modernization. The situation has led to environmental pollution and social evils that urban environments are unhealthier than in the past. This essay will address some causes and solutions of this problem. To begin with, a serious unhealthy urban area was mainly created by pollutions of the environment. One of the most significant reason that was due to the modernization and industrialization. With the appearance of industrial zones, factories and diverse vehicles that was responsible for the poor quality of the air by the emission of toxic gases, in addition, there were plenty of harmful substances such as detrimental oils and waste which were released into water resources. These problems have had a negative influence on the health of human beings. Another occasion is the high crime rate in cities which caused by the over growth of population and unemployed situations. As a result, urban cities have turned into unhealthier places than ever before. However, in order to solve these problems, both governments and citizens have to engage in essential activities. Firstly, Governments could be in charge to filter factory chimneys to decrease toxic gases emission and should ban release of harmful liquids into water resources. Moreover, the amount of private transport should be reduced, instead of public transportation. Secondly, trees should be planted more in public places such as parks, schools and squares. Finally, governments should have punishments for criminal evils, as well as restriction migration from countryside to reduce density of population and unemployed people in cities. In conclusion, because of modernization and industrialization, nowadays urban environments are unhealthier than the previous time. The control of factories and population is one of effective solutions. They need to be applied wisely and efficiently in the future by both of governments and citizens.
There is no doubt that the structure of immense cities has
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in recent centuries, which resulted from the industrialization and modernization. The situation has led to environmental pollution and social evils that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
environments are unhealthier than in the past. This essay will address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes and solutions of this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a serious unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
area was
mainly
created by pollutions of the environment. One of the most significant reason that was due to the modernization and industrialization. With the appearance of industrial zones, factories and diverse vehicles that was responsible for the poor quality of the air by the emission of toxic gases,
in addition
, there were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of harmful substances such as detrimental oils and waste which
were released
into water resources. These problems have had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on the health of human beings. Another occasion is the high crime rate in cities which caused by the over growth of population and unemployed situations.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
cities have turned into unhealthier places than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

However
, in order to solve these problems, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
engage in essential activities.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
could be in charge to filter factory chimneys to decrease toxic gases emission and should ban release of harmful liquids into water resources.
Moreover
, the amount of private transport should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
instead
of public transportation.
Secondly
, trees should
be planted
more in public places such as parks, schools and squares.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should have punishments for criminal evils,
as well
as restriction migration from countryside to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
density of population and unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in cities.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of modernization and industrialization, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
urban
environments are unhealthier than the previous time. The control of factories and population is one of effective solutions. They need to
be applied
wisely
and
efficiently
in the future by both of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and citizens.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people feel that urban environments are more unhealthy than they have ever been. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What measures can be effective in tackling this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts