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In many countries, young people leave rural areas to study and work in cities. What do you think are reasons for this? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In many countries, young people leave rural areas to study and work in cities. What do you think are reasons for this? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
It is undeniable that people experience difficulties once in a life time. Some individuals argue that it is best to accept bad circumstances while others suggest that it is better to overcome. In the scope of this essay, I will discuss the two views in details and I personally think that in the long run, overcoming these difficulties is better. There is nobody wants to suffer through hardships. If we are in a bad situation, it is better to accept it because it happened already and we can't change. As soon as we accept the issue, we can calm down and think about optimal solution for it. In addition, anything can happen and sometimes it is out of control. Drowning in the thoughts that we can overcome difficulties may cause us depression or encourage us to take unwanted actions. For example, the poor tend to steal or attempt robbery to solve poverty. On the other hand, a large number of people will try and address bad situation. It is our instinct to get out of trouble and we will never give up. For example, a lot of individuals who do not compromise to live in poverty. They will improve their knowledge day by day, find a good job and work hard to achieve better living. In summary, experiencing bad situations is inevitable in our life. In bad circumstances, we may accept it. However, it is better to try our best to improve and overcome.
It is undeniable that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
experience difficulties once in a
Did you mean "lifetime"?
life time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals argue that it is best to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
circumstances while others suggest that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to overcome. In the scope of this essay, I will discuss the two views in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that in the long run, overcoming these difficulties is better.

There is nobody wants to suffer through hardships. If we are in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
situation, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it happened
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
already and
we can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
the issue, we can calm down and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about optimal solution for it.
In addition
, anything can happen and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is out of control. Drowning in the thoughts that we can overcome difficulties may cause us depression or encourage us to take unwanted actions.
For example
, the poor tend to steal or attempt robbery to solve poverty.

On the other hand
,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
address
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
situation. It is our instinct to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
trouble and
we will never give up.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
individuals who do not compromise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty. They will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their knowledge day by day, find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
living.

In summary, experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
situations is inevitable in our life. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
circumstances, we may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
accept
it.
However
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to try our best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and overcome.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, young people leave rural areas to study and work in cities. What do you think are reasons for this? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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