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Many people think that successful people’s accomplishments depend on the regions they come from, while other people think that it doesn’t matter where a person comes from, if that person has the will to succeed, he/she will triumph. What do you think? v.2

Many people think that successful people’s accomplishments depend on the regions they come from, while other people think that it doesn’t matter where a person comes from, if that person has the will to succeed, he/she will triumph. What do you think? v. 2
The word success in the life plays a significant role. Some people ponder that location and area plays a crucial role behind the success of any successful person while others believe that only will power to achieve a goal is more important. I think that behind any success their is hard work and proper planning to achieve specific goal besides region of person does not matters. To achieve success in life is not a easy task. A person should be proper dedicated and decided towards his or her goals. When they cleared that what they want to be in their life they will do hard work with full passion. As a result, they will definitely become a successfull personality. For this, it doesn't matter that whether they come from any metropolitan city and any developed region. For instance, Indian 14th president Dr. Apj Abdul Kalam was born in remote area of kerela. Even that area was proper untouched with electric power. Despite of all inconveniences he became the great scientist and one of the world's greatest leader. This become possible only because of his dedication and hard work. On the other hand, some individuals consider the factor of location behind success. They think that, a developed city can provide all basic amenities to people such as higher education, lots of job opportunities et cetera which rural areas does not have. If the group of people is well qualified but they do not have any jobs in their area then how can they get employed? So according to some people location impose a great impact to be successful. To conclude, undoubtedly, people are running to achieve their desired objectives. Only few are concerned with the role of hardwork and concentration to be a successfull man. People should deny the impact of area and region to become successful in their life.
The word
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
plays a significant role.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
ponder that location and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
plays a crucial role behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
person while others believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will power to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
a goal is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that behind any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
Did you mean "there"?
their
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and proper planning to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
specific goal
besides
region of person does not
The verb 'does' requires base form of the verb: "matter"
matters
.

To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
easy task. A person should be proper dedicated and decided towards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
goals.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
they cleared that what they want to be in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
they will do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work with full passion.
As a result
, they will definitely become a
Possible spelling mistake found.
successfull
personality. For this, it doesn't matter that whether they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from any metropolitan city and any developed region.
For instance
, Indian 14th president Dr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Apj
Abdul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalam
was born
in remote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
kerela
. Even that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
was proper untouched with electric power.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
all inconveniences he became the great scientist and one of the world's greatest leader. This become possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his dedication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals consider the factor of location behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, a developed city can provide all basic amenities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as higher education, lots of job opportunities
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
which rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
does not have. If the group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is well qualified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not have any jobs in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
then how can they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
location impose a great impact to be successful.

To conclude
,
undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are running to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
their desired objectives.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
few
are concerned
with the role of
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
and concentration to be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
successfull
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should deny the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and region to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Many people think that successful people’s accomplishments depend on the regions they come from, while other people think that it doesn’t matter where a person comes from, if that person has the will to succeed, he/she will triumph. What do you think? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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