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Many people think that successful people’s accomplishments depend on the regions they come from, while other people think that it doesn’t matter where a person comes from, if that person has the will to succeed, he/she will triumph v.1

Many people think that successful people’s accomplishments depend on the regions they come from, while other people think that it doesn’t matter where a person comes from, if that person has the will to succeed, he/she will triumph v. 1
The significance of the region one comes from, in the achievements of people has been a moot point, with a large number of people believing that regional background is a determiner of victory, while others differ. It is evident that there is some truth in both arguments. To commence with, a person’s region of origin certainly confers some inherent advantages, such as physique, strength and attitude in general. The very fact of living in a region, orients and instils one with the prevailing energy, drive and preference for a type of profession or goal. For instance, Usain Bolt, the fastest runner is from Jamaica and in the past century, Jamaica won 42 Commonwealth Golds and 14 World Championship Golds amongst others. Apart from this, children there start athletics at a very young age. Nevertheless, winners spring up from all geographical locations in the world. It is the will alone that imparts the vision, commitment and capacity to work hard to people, which propels them to achievements. The world has witnessed victorious people, even from remote places, the interiors and hinterlands of different nations. For example, the present Honourable President of India, Mr. Ram Nath Kovind, hails from a small village in the state of Uttar Pradesh. Additionally, in this age of globalisation and technology, where the world is transforming into a global village, to the willing, obtaining the best and requisite rigorous training in a certain sport, education or industry is quite feasible. Online mentoring and coaching on an array of subjects are readily available on YouTube and other portals. To conclude, contrary to what many people think, according to me, the idea of the region of origin, as a determining factor in successful people’s achievements, is redundant. Moreover, the will of a person is paramount in driving a seeker of glory to triumph.
The significance of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from, in the achievements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has been a moot point, with
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believing that regional background is a determiner of victory, while others differ. It is evident that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth in both arguments.

To commence with, a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
of origin
certainly
confers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
inherent advantages, such as physique, strength and attitude
in general
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fact of living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
, orients and
Possible spelling mistake. 'instils' is British English.
instils
one with the prevailing energy, drive and preference for a type of profession or goal.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Usain
Bolt, the fastest runner is from Jamaica and in the past century, Jamaica won 42 Commonwealth Golds and 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Championship Golds amongst others. Apart from this, children there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
athletics at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.

Nevertheless
, winners spring up from all geographical locations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. It is the will alone that imparts the vision, commitment and capacity to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which propels them to achievements. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
has witnessed victorious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, even from remote places, the interiors and hinterlands of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations.
For example
, the present
Possible spelling mistake found.
Honourable
President of India, Mr. Ram
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nath
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kovind
, hails from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village in the state of Uttar Pradesh.

Additionally
, in this age of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
and technology, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is transforming into a global village, to the willing, obtaining the best and requisite rigorous training in a certain sport, education or industry is quite feasible. Online mentoring and coaching on an array of subjects
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
readily
available on YouTube and other portals.

To conclude
, contrary to what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, according to me, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
of origin, as a determining factor in successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
achievements, is redundant.
Moreover
, the will of a person is paramount in driving a seeker of glory to triumph.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that successful people’s accomplishments depend on the regions they come from, while other people think that it doesn’t matter where a person comes from, if that person has the will to succeed, he/she will triumph v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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