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Children should be controlled or should they be allowed to take their own decision. Discuss both view and give your Opinion. v.1

Children should be controlled or should they be allowed to take their own decision. v. 1
It is often argued that children should follow their parent's orders rather than freedom of taking decisions for themselves. I partially agree with both the statements and think that children should obey their parent's until or unless they get settled and after that, they should be free to take any choice. To commence with children's dependency over family, I think that it is necessary for every child to get nourish under the love and care of his/her family. It is not only good for their moral growth, but as well as their for their mental growth, because as we are living in the modern era, it is must for every child to learn values and respect from their clan. For instance, children are getting damaged by their surroundings, which results in negative development. Also, it is true that may be the opinion taken by the parents might be wrong, but their mindset for their child won't be bad ever and not a single guardian will guide their offspring in wrong term. Thus, for a positive growth towards success and life, children's should follow their parents judgements. With regards to freedom of taking essential steps on their own, I think that at a certain point of life everyone needs to be self dependent and same goes for every child. Because, as we all know our parents will not stay with us for so long and after completion of studies, it is every child duty to take a stand and work for the happiness of their household. Also, the mindset of both child and the parent is different and to grow more he/she need to go alone without any parental support. Thus, at some point parents should allow their infant to stand and take risks. To conclude, I believe that both dependency and independence are beneficial for the transformation of youth and it is important for every teenager to learn and gain knowledge from their family as well as self decision making is also useful to gain more.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that children should follow their parent's orders
rather
than freedom of taking decisions for themselves. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with both the statements and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that children should obey their parent's until or unless they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
settled and after that, they should be free to take any choice.

To commence with children's dependency over family, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is necessary for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
nourish under the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care of his/her family. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their moral growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as well
as their for their mental growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as we are living in the modern era, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to learn values and respect from their clan.
For instance
, children are getting damaged by their surroundings, which results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.
Also
, it is true that may be the opinion taken by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their mindset for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
won't be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ever and not a single guardian will guide their offspring in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
term.
Thus
, for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
growth towards success and life, children's should follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
judgements.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
freedom of taking essential steps on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that at a certain point of life everyone needs to be self dependent and same goes for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, as we all know our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will not stay with us for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long and after completion of studies, it is every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
duty to take a stand and work for the happiness of their household.
Also
, the mindset of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and to grow more he/she need to go alone without any parental support.
Thus
, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their infant to stand and take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.

To conclude
, I believe that both dependency and independence are beneficial for the transformation of youth and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
to learn and gain knowledge from their family
as well
as self
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
is
also
useful to gain more.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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Amy Chua

IELTS essay Children should be controlled or should they be allowed to take their own decision. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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