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In some countries, students live with their family while studying at a university. In other countries, students attend university in another city. Do you think the advantages of living away from home while attending university outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In some countries, students live with their family while studying at a university. In other countries, students attend university in another city. Do you think the advantages of living away from home while attending university outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
The viewpoint of either it is better to live away or with the family while studying at a university in some countries varies. While living in another city can be beneficial, in my opinion, it has more drawbacks than benefits. On the one hand, to be independent is the main goal to master when living away from family. Personal decision-making and time management are some of the skills best learned when there is no one to do it for you. These skills come in handy, such as cooking, doing household chores, plumping and lumbering, to decide whether to study or to go out, which items to buy and how to delegate each hour of the day to meet the needs which the student might not have probably done back home. On the other hand, there are several reasons why studying away from the family is deemed disadvantageous. Firstly, doing everything by yourself which consumes the time for studying hence, limiting the body to be rewarded by rest. For instance, thinking of what to eat, cooking, doing the laundry, cleaning the apartment, and even budget constraints to fit the allowance for grocery, bills, and rent which, therefore, the student will eventually resort to fast food that leads to unhealthy eating habits and poor sleeping patterns. In other words, most of the time is being consumed by personal responsibilities. Secondly, the lack of guidance, physical and emotional support from the parents might lead the student to give in to peer pressure and consequently neglecting the studies. Through time, the family could overlook the child's activities. For example, the school-aged, particularly the adolescents, engage in antisocial behaviors, such as drinking, smoking, premarital sex, and the worst is, being involved in crimes due to homesickness and allowing bad influences to take over. In conclusion, given the pros and cons of living independently away from family for schooling has undeniably outweighed the merits of the demerits.
The viewpoint of either it is better to
live
away
or with the
family
while studying at a university in
some
countries varies. While living in another city can be beneficial, in my opinion, it has more drawbacks than benefits.

On the one hand, to be independent is the main goal to master when living
away
from
family
. Personal decision-making and
time
management are
some of the
skills
best learned when there is no one to do it for you. These
skills
come
in handy, such as cooking, doing household chores, plumping and lumbering, to decide whether to study or to go out, which items to
buy
and how to delegate each hour of the day to
meet
the needs which the student might not have
probably
done back home.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons why studying
away
from the
family
is deemed
disadvantageous.
Firstly
, doing everything by yourself which consumes the
time
for studying
hence
, limiting the body to
be rewarded
by rest.
For instance
, thinking of what to eat, cooking, doing the laundry, cleaning the apartment, and even budget constraints to fit the allowance for grocery, bills, and rent which,
therefore
, the student will
eventually
resort to
fast
food that leads to unhealthy eating habits and poor sleeping patterns.
In other words
, most of the
time
is
being consumed
by personal responsibilities.

Secondly
, the lack of guidance, physical and emotional support from the parents might lead the student to give in to peer pressure and
consequently
neglecting the studies. Through
time
, the
family
could overlook the child's activities.
For example
, the school-aged,
particularly
the adolescents, engage in antisocial behaviors, such as drinking, smoking, premarital sex, and the worst is,
being involved
in crimes due to homesickness and allowing
bad
influences to take over.

In conclusion
,
given
the pros and cons of living
independently
away
from
family
for schooling has
undeniably
outweighed the merits of the demerits.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay In some countries, students live with their family while studying at a university. In other countries, students attend university in another city. Do you think the advantages of living away from home while attending university outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
321 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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