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An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems do this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation? v.6

An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems do this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation? v. 6
Over the last few decades there has been an increase in the number of professionals leaving their country in search of greener pastures abroad. This causes a severe talent crunch in their own country. One of the biggest problems that countries face when talented professionals migrate is the shortage of skilled manpower. India, for example, produces tens of thousands of doctors each year and many of them migrate to foreign countries. Consequently, the country does not have enough doctors to treat its people and patients often have to wait for hours in hospitals to get their medical check-ups done. Obviously, when professionals such as doctors and teachers leave their country to find employment in the developed world, they are doing a disservice to their nation and its people. However, there is another dimension to this problem. Many professionals choose to migrate because they are not satisfied with the opportunities available in their country. Ambition certainly is not a crime and as such the government cannot stop this practice altogether. Providing more opportunities in their own country is the only way to dissuade professionals from leaving. Also the government can perhaps make it mandatory for its citizens to return after working abroad for a fixed number of years. Migration of professionals is both a boon and a curse. Most nations that export professionals are beneficiaries of foreign remittance. While money cannot solve the talent crisis that they face, it can certainly help them to produce more professionals in the future.  India, for example, is a big beneficiary of foreign remittance and Indian government takes immense pride in being able to export professionals to the rest of the world. The country no longer maintains a hostile attitude to its people choosing to migrate. Rather they are seen as a source of revenue with which the government can improve the ground realities at home. To conclude, when professionals migrate to foreign countries they create an immense shortage of talent in their own country. The only way the government can discourage this practice is to create more opportunities in their own country using the money they remit.
Over the last few decades there has been an increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
leaving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in search of greener pastures abroad. This causes a severe talent crunch in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country.

One of the biggest problems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
face when talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
is the shortage of skilled manpower. India,
for example
, produces tens of thousands of doctors each year and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
does not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
doctors to treat its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and patients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for hours in hospitals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-ups done.
Obviously
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
such as doctors and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to find employment in the developed world, they are doing a disservice to their nation and its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, there is another dimension to this problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not satisfied with the opportunities available in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Ambition
certainly
is not a crime and as such the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
this practice altogether. Providing more opportunities in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to dissuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
from leaving.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can perhaps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it mandatory for its citizens to return after working abroad for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fixed
number of years.

Migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
is both a boon and a curse. Most nations that export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are beneficiaries of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
remittance. While money cannot solve the talent crisis that they face, it can
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to produce more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
in the future.  India,
for example
, is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
beneficiary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
remittance and Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
takes immense pride in being able to export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
to the rest of the world. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
no longer maintains a hostile attitude to its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
.
Rather
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a source of revenue with which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the ground realities at home.

To conclude
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrate
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
they create an immense shortage of talent in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can discourage this practice is to create more opportunities in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
using the money they remit.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of professionals, such as doctors and teachers, are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problems do this cause? What solutions can you suggest to deal with this situation? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
353 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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