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Many people think that regions affect successful person. What is your opinion about native region and accomplished person’s influence on the region he belongs to. v.2

Many people think that regions affect successful person. What is your opinion about native region and accomplished person’s influence on the region he belongs to. v. 2
It has to be accepted that, the region a child growing up has a significant influence in moulding his/her personality. According to me my native region has all the physical and psychological back up that needed child to grow up and become successful. I born and grow up in a city called Kottayam which is in Kerala a southern state of India. This city provides all the needed things to grow up become a successful person to each and every children born here. The schools and teachers here provides a good academic starting to students which is later further flourishes by high standard collages here. The city give s all the necessary things to encourage sport personalities. For example, the international Nehru stadium and sports councils for cricket, football and basket ball provides all supports for the students who are interested in sports. The city had given many valueble personalities to India as well as the world. These personalities also influence the people here to achieve something great and beneficial to the society. For instance the life of then Indian president mr: k. r narayanan is a good role model for the people here. He started his student life the schools and collages around and become the first citizen of India. His life is a good lesson for the students here. Thus. the story of the towering personalities motivate the young people in the same region greatly. These successful persons gives them a message that it is possible to achieve anything with the humble situations they have. To conclude, it is certainly true that region and the accomplished persons influence have major impact on the people life in every region.
It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
a child growing up has a significant influence in
Possible spelling mistake. 'moulding' is British English.
moulding
his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personality
.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
my native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
has all the physical and psychological back up that needed child to grow up and become successful.

I
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "bore"?
born
and grow up in a city called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kottayam
which is in Kerala a southern state of India. This city provides all the needed things to grow up become a successful person to each and every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
born here. The schools and teachers here provides a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
academic starting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
which is later
further
flourishes by high standard collages here. The city give s all the necessary things to encourage sport personalities.
For example
, the international Nehru stadium and sports councils for cricket, football and basket ball provides all supports for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are interested
in sports.

The city had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
valueble
personalities to India
as well
as the world. These personalities
also
influence the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
here to achieve something great and beneficial to the society.
For instance
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of then Indian president
Possible spelling mistake found.
mr
: k. r
Possible spelling mistake found.
narayanan
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role model for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
here. He
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
the schools and collages around and become the
first
citizen of India. His
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lesson for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
here.
Thus
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
story of the towering personalities motivate the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
greatly
. These successful persons
You should probably use "give".
gives
them a message that it is possible to achieve anything with the humble situations they have.

To conclude
, it is
certainly
true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
and the accomplished persons influence have major impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that regions affect successful person. What is your opinion about native region and accomplished person’s influence on the region he belongs to. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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