Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people think that public celebrations (like national holidays, festivals etc. ) are a waste of money and that the government should spend those funds in a better way. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Many people think that public celebrations (like national holidays, festivals etc. ) are a waste of money and that the government should spend those funds in a better way. v. 1
Nowadays, some social behaviour problems have raised, there are several reasons for that, one of them, which I consider it as the most important, the imperfect use of the internet and social media. But, these issues can be handled by rising up the level of education and respecting others, especially females and elder people, which is the main role of schools, universities, and parents too. Firstly, youths and adolescences use the internet on a daily basis, which is a good channel to see and learn the evil trends, because anyone in the world can write or upload a video that may contain terrible actions without supervision and these spread in no time. For example, teenagers watch awful videos about abominable habits of people of another nation, which may be natural at this country and tend to do this at their community. Thus, they have to be at a high level of maturity not to do anything and follow the traditions of their society. However, supervision of parents, teachers, and tutors is the key to overcome such issue. Father and mother can influence positively in the personality of their youths by learning them how to choose the programs and videos to watch, and also how to deal with women and with the old age people, because these are the most sensitive. For instance, when a young person riding his car and sees a woman passing the road, he must stop until she passes, then continue riding. Hence, that is a kind of respect which must appear. To summarize, the non traditional behaviour has spread in the last decade and these must be fought by the whole society, particularly, adolescences in order create a new generation who knows the basics of appreciation.
Nowadays,
some
social
behaviour
problems have raised, there are several reasons for that, one of them, which I consider it as the most
important
, the imperfect
use
of the internet and social media.
But
, these issues can
be handled
by rising up the level of education and respecting others,
especially
females and elder
people
, which is the main role of schools, universities, and parents too.

Firstly
, youths and adolescences
use
the internet on a daily basis, which is a
good
channel to
see
and learn the evil trends,
because
anyone in the world can write or upload a video that may contain terrible actions without supervision and these spread in no time.
For example
,
teenagers
watch
awful videos about abominable habits of
people
of another nation, which may be natural at this country and tend to do this at their community.
Thus
, they
have to
be at a high level of maturity not to do anything and follow the traditions of their society.

However
, supervision of parents, teachers, and tutors is the key to overcome such issue. Father and mother can influence
positively
in the personality of their youths by learning them how to choose the programs and videos to
watch
, and
also
how to deal with women and with the
old
age
people
,
because
these are the most sensitive.
For instance
, when a young person riding his car and
sees
a woman passing the road, he
must
stop
until she passes, then continue riding.
Hence
,
that is
a kind of respect which
must
appear.

To summarize
, the
non traditional
behaviour
has spread in the last decade and these
must
be fought
by the whole society,
particularly
, adolescences in order create a new generation who knows the basics of appreciation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that public celebrations (like national holidays, festivals etc. ) are a waste of money and that the government should spend those funds in a better way. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts