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Many people think that public celebrations (like national holidays, festivals etc. ) are a waste of money and that the government should spend those funds in a better way. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Many people think that public celebrations (like national holidays, festivals etc. ) are a waste of money and that the government should spend those funds in a better way. v. 2
It is a widely held belief that public holidays is crucial for society and state should pour money for that. But there are strong counter arguments by a section of people who think that government has to solve the public problems. I am of the opinion that this matter should be debated in the light of several factors before any conclusion can be drawn. First and foremost, in the new era, people face to many stress and pressure moods in this life. Therefore, social members need more holidays to ameliorate their lifestyle and stress out. Some people put forward an opinion that festivals, forums, exhibitions, cultural days are able to strengthen people relationship and change a social atmosphere. One good illustration of this is the Navruz holiday in Muslim countries. People gather in the central squares or parks to play horse sports games, taste traditional meals and ask forgiveness each other if they have a quarrel. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that an authority should pour the budget money to social matters such as health, education, economic. People often have this opinion because these benefits are able to rise up nations wellbeing and GDP. A second point is that there are great deals of people who do not have a dwelling. Moreover, the numbers of children suffer from ailments and amount of people cannot find a job. For instance, Kazakhstan organizes EXPO worldwide exhibition festival and spent five billion dollars while 45% of country inhabitants do not have a roof over their head and 20% of people do not have a temporary job. In conclusion, I believe that both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I tend to believe that government should solve social problems and harden country’s economy if they have redundant money.
It is a
widely
held belief that public holidays is crucial for society and state should pour money for that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are strong counter arguments by a section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
solve the public problems. I am of the opinion that this matter should
be debated
in the light of several factors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any conclusion can
be drawn
.

First
and foremost, in the new era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and pressure moods in this life.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
members need more holidays to ameliorate their lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
out.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put forward an opinion that festivals, forums, exhibitions, cultural days are able to strengthen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relationship and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
atmosphere. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Navruz
holiday in Muslim countries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
gather in the central squares or parks to play horse sports games, taste traditional meals and ask forgiveness each other if they have a quarrel.

On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that an authority should pour the budget money to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
matters such as health, education, economic.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these benefits are able to rise up nations
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
and GDP. A second point is that there are great deals of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not have a dwelling.
Moreover
, the numbers of children suffer from ailments and amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot find a job.
For instance
, Kazakhstan organizes EXPO worldwide exhibition festival and spent five billion dollars while 45% of country inhabitants do not have a roof over their head and 20% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have a temporary job.

In conclusion
, I believe that both arguments have their merits. On balance,
however
, I tend to believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
problems and harden country’s economy if they have redundant money.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that public celebrations (like national holidays, festivals etc. ) are a waste of money and that the government should spend those funds in a better way. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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