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Government spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Government spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. v. 1
Nowadays bureaucrats spend a plethora of money on national festivals. Multitudinous pupil opine that this spending is too much and can be used sagaciously for other eminent purposes of the country. I completely agree with this statement. Myriad other things are there, like unemployment, better roads, education and medical facilities. First and foremost, government should utilise funds towards improvising the education system of the country. To do so, central authority can finance more schools and can even revitalise the curriculum of the students by introducing vocational courses which can result in achieving better jobs later in the future. Moreover, more and more schools should be opened by the higher authorities so as to leave the private hands behind in sucking the blood of the general public in the name of heavy tuition fees. For an instance, Mr. Kejriwal, the present Chief Minister of Delhi, has created public schools which are far better and inexpensive in comparison to other private schools. This was a step which was required for the betterment of the people. Moving further, the next pivotal sector which demands consideration is unemployment and teenagers are sitting idle at home, doing nothing. This is the drastic situation where the future of the country is in peril. For this new industry should be opened by the government, which will create employment opportunities, further leading towards the growth of the nation. The populace will spend more money and this will improve the overall health of the kingdom. Last but not least, finance should be catered towards the medical researches which will prove to be a boon for the territory. If the diseases are diagnosed, timely, the lives of multifarious citizens can be saved and even the expensive treatments can be availed at low prices by middle and low income group people. To pen down, the government should incur expenses for the welfare of the nation rather to spend on national festivals. As the above assertions, bureaucrats have various other sectors to look after, such as the education system, employment opportunities and medical researches.
Nowadays bureaucrats spend a plethora of money on national festivals. Multitudinous pupil opine that this spending is too much and can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
sagaciously
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
eminent purposes of the country. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. Myriad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things are there, like unemployment, better roads, education and medical facilities.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
funds towards improvising the education system of the country. To do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, central authority can finance more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and can even
Possible spelling mistake. 'revitalise' is British English.
revitalise
the curriculum of the students by introducing vocational courses which can result in achieving better jobs later in the future.
Moreover
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
be opened
by the higher authorities
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the private hands behind in sucking the blood of the
Consider using "public".
general public
in the name of heavy tuition fees. For an instance, Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kejriwal
, the present Chief Minister of Delhi, has created public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
which are far better and inexpensive
in comparison
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This was a step which
was required
for the betterment of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Moving
further
, the
next
pivotal sector which demands consideration is unemployment and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are sitting idle at home, doing nothing. This is the drastic situation where the future of the country is in peril. For this new industry should
be opened
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, which will create employment opportunities,
further
leading towards the growth of the nation. The populace will spend more money and this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
overall
health of the kingdom.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, finance should
be catered
towards the medical researches which will prove to be a boon for the territory. If the diseases
are diagnosed
, timely, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of multifarious citizens can
be saved
and even the expensive treatments can
be availed
at low prices by middle and low income group
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To pen down, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should incur expenses for the welfare of the nation
rather
to spend on national festivals. As the above assertions, bureaucrats have various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sectors to look after, such as the education system, employment opportunities and medical researches.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Government spend a lot of money on public celebrations such as national holidays and public festivals. Some people say that the government spends too much on this and that they should use this money on other useful things. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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